


The Coastal Split

by TheMissluluB



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A Romeo And Juliet Story With A Twist, A very non descriptive mention of burning people, F/F, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, My NaNoWriMo Fic But Also A Gift Fic, Past Feferi & Eridan Moirailagence, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Pining, What? Terezi's a Dragon, fake suicide mention like in romeo and juliet, fantasystuck, mentions of randomly exploding rodents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12854880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissluluB/pseuds/TheMissluluB
Summary: Kanaya met the girl of her dreams online, and they instantly fell in love. When they met in person though, they realised their relationship would be a lot more complicated than previously thought. You could blame that on the War against Prospit and Derse.It was only when Terezi comes up with an idea that things might not be as bad as they feared.Or would it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Gift for [palemance](http://palemance.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! HADS did a 'Secret Scare' art trade, of which I covered this one and decided this fic had far too much world building and instead drew a [picture](https://dammekspizza.tumblr.com/post/166996567262/palemance-i-did-an-emergency-back-up-scare-for) instead.  
> I would also like to thank Kayak for the Epic upon Epic Title.  
> Enjoy!

Kanaya met the woman of her dreams online. She was delectable. Beautiful. She had an eye for fashion that Kanaya could admire, despite their… _vastly_ different tastes. Either way, Kanaya knew she was completely, unabashedly in love with her, even if she had never met the girl face to face.

That fact was about to change on this night.

Kanaya was giddy with excitement. She stood on the edge of the pier, the requested meeting area. The area she waited in was secluded, no one knew where they were. The location itself was odd to Kanaya; why did her love want to meet her _here,_ at the pier? Why did she want this? The ocean was never a good place to be near, especially for a Prospitian such as herself. She had to keep her cover, lest danger come and take her life. She wanted no part in the bloodshed.

She held onto a small lotus flower, a flower which reminded her of the beautiful woman she adored. Her flower was Hot Pink in colour; Kanaya knew her flowers, she was studying botany, after all. She chose lotus because her lover had a love for life. That and she seemed to love the ocean; she made many fish puns which Kanaya found very strange, but quaint. Endearing, even.

A figure began to emerge from the ocean. Oh dear, had her cover been compromised? She took a small step back, lowering the flower to protect it. What could the figure be? A shark, a Mermaid, or worse, a Siren? Her fear grew when the figure grew closer and peeked over the edge of the pier. They had something in their mouth, a weapon, perhaps? Or maybe a gift? It was too dark for her to make it out.

She was barely able to speak through her fear. Quietly, she stuttered something she hoped she wouldn’t regret. “F-Feferi?”

The figure seemed to brighten up at that, jumping onto the pier and dashing up towards her. “KANAYA!!!”

Oh wow, she was cuter in person. “Shh, you’ll blow our cover,” Kanaya whispered. Feferi nodded, giving a sheepish smile. Kanaya chuckled, “I brought you a flower. It reminded me of you. The colour symbolises a playful and happy person who loves life, and you, Feferi, are that kind of person,” She handed her the lotus.

Feferi blushed. She looked as though she shimmered in the night sky, a bioluminescent pink lighting up her features. She handed Kanaya a small velvet bag. “I know you liked making things, so I made something for you,” she murmured. Kanaya opened the bag to find a green shell necklace, the exact colour unlike anything she had ever seen before. She gasped, soft and quiet.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, sincere. It was hard not to blush - When Kanaya was flustered, she tended to light up. Literally. Curse of being a Vampire. She also knew that ‘lighting up’ right now would _really_ blow their cover of darkness.

Feferi grinned; she noticed that Feferi had small dimples as she smiled. In Kanaya’s honest opinion, Feferi’s smile could burn out the sun with how bright it was. Kanaya wanted to always make her smile so beautifully. It was one of the great wonders of the world.

“I’m so glad you like it though, it’s handmade. I saw the shell and the colour reminded me of you,” She giggled, quiet but her shoulders moved so fluidly with it. “Mainly because of the colour you type in, but I couldn’t just leave it there. I love you, Kanaya.” She smiled again, and Kanaya was completely enthralled with her.

Kanaya kissed her on the head. It was easily done with the height difference, Kanaya was a very tall lady after all. Feferi looked as though she barely reached 5 ft. 3, which she was utterly charmed with. Feferi’s hair was soft, but it was also still quite damp from the ocean. Kanaya placed a strand of it behind her girlfriend’s ear. “And I love you too, Feferi,” She murmured, placing another kiss on her nose this time. Feferi wrapped her arms around Kanaya’s neck, pressing her lips onto Kanaya’s.

“I had better go, or else it’ll get very suspicious,” Feferi sighed, despondently. Kanaya knew this meeting was only a fleeting one, but she was still upset about it. At least she has finally met the woman of her dreams in the flesh. “Oh! We can take a _shellfie!”_ Feferi giggled, and Kanaya chuckled with her.

The pun was just endearing. She watched Feferi get her, as she called it, _shell-phone_ out of her pocket. Kanaya remembered fondly about the time Feferi told her what she called her phone; Kanaya was in fits of giggles for at least 3 weeks thinking about it.

She leaned closer to Feferi, kissing Feferi’s cheek as she took the photo. Kanaya chuckled once more. “Send that over to me when you get home, okay?” She smirked as she watched Feferi try to stop blushing. She noticed Feferi tends to glow with a dull fuchsia bioluminescence when she blushes, similar to Kanaya’s bright Vamperic glow. It was far too cute.

Emotional hugs and kisses were shared, and Feferi headed back to the sea, Pink Lotus in tow. Kanaya watched her leave, a small tear falling from her cheek. She put her hood back up and left the pier, lest some danger fall upon her again. No wonder Feferi wanted to meet her by the pier at this late of an hour. She would have to get used to meeting like this, considering the dangers of someone from her standing coming so close to the sea. Their love would be classed as forbidden, after all.

It was all because of the war; Prospit against Derse.

Prospit was the Kingdom of the Land in Sburbia, the land of bright colours and sunshine. The King of Prospit ruled the land with care, but he was never weak in his ruling. An Iron fist with a cushion, Kanaya seemed to think.

Kanaya was adopted into the Prospit Royalty at a young age; becoming the only daughter out of 3. She thinks she was adopted into the family because no one knew where the Heir of Prospit was. He was actually the oldest, but he ran away a year before the youngest son was born. Kanaya thinks the heir is probably dead by now. Either way, she’s the heir to the throne, now, because of said adoption.

They were at a constant war with the Kingdom of the Sea in Sburbia, Derse.

Kanaya did not know much about the Kingdom of Derse. She knew that it was underwater; every sentient being that dwells in the ocean surrounding the Sburbian coast was known as a Dersite. She knew that the Derse Royalty had 2 offspring, but she didn’t really know anything about them at all. Finally, she knew that the Queen ruled with what her adoptive Father had called an ‘Iron Fist Barbed With Mother Fucking Poison That God Damn Mother Fucking Sea Hag’.

That’s when Kanaya thought the war was more of a personal matter, than anything else.

Grown-ups can be quite silly, sometimes, after all.

She wondered what the fight was initially about in the first place, but quickly rid her mind of that thought. It was pretty much irrelevant anyway, the war had been going on for decades for all she knew.

She quickly snuck into her home, and headed towards her bedroom. A clever disguise was employed before she left - a pillow under the blanket, so people think she was in her room asleep. It turned out to work out exceedingly well, to her delight. She removed said cushion and fell onto the bed in a heap, sighing happily. She glowed, literally. Well, she’s not getting sleep anytime soon, she’s too pleased in herself.

She took the necklace out of the velvet pouch the love of her life gave her. The colour was clearer to see now, though she still couldn’t give it a name. It was a very unique colour, and it was similar to the colour she tends to type messages in. A smile tugged at her features as she gazed at it. It was an immaculate shell, surprisingly smooth despite its seemingly bumpy look.

She would treasure this forever.

She _had_ to tell someone _this instant._

\--  grimAuxiliatrix [GA] started trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]! --

GA: Terezi I Have Something Very Imperative To Tell You  
GA: Remember That Girl I Told You About  
GC: Y3S  
GC: TH3 ON3 WHO YOU S41D   
GC: 4ND 1 QUOT3  
GC: "Holds My Heart in Her Hands And Could Probably Kill Me And I Wouldnt Mind At All"?  
GC: TH4T G1RL??  
GA: Yes That One  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT H3R  
GA: I Met Up With Her Today  
GC: L1K3 1 TOLD YOU TO  
GC: D1D 4NYTH1NG H4PP3N  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: >;]  
GA: Oh My God Nothing Happened  
GA: Not Like That  
GA: It Was Just A Meaningful Meeting Between Two Lovers Separated Land And Sea  
GC: S3P4R4T3D?  
GC: K4N4Y4 WH4T H4V3 YOU GOTT3N YOUR GLOR1OUSLY T4ST3FUL R34R 1NTO??  
GA: Nothing  
GA: I Have Got Myself Into Nothing At All  
GA: Mind Your Own Business Miss Pyrope  
GA: And People Call Me Nosy  
GA: Hmm  
GC: BL4R!  
GC: YOU S33M TO H4V3 FORGOTT3N M1SS M1NTY FR3SH BUT YOU 4R3 TH3 ON3 TH4T CONT4CT3D M3  
GC: _HMMMM??????_  
GC: WH4T C4N YOU S4Y 4BOUT TH4T HMM????  
GA: Ugh Fine  
GA: You Win  
GA: You Cant Tell Anyone This Though  
GA: And I Mean  
GA: Anyone  
GA: Not A Single Person  
GA: Do You Promise  
GC: MY L1PS 4R3 S34L3D  
GC: Z111P  
GC: >:I  
GA: Sigh  
GA: I Guess That Will Have To Do  
GA: Anyway  
GA: She Is Of The  
GA: Sea Dwelling Variety  
GA: So To Speak  
GC: SH3S 4 _D3RS1T3??_  
GC: D4MN M1NTY   
GC: YOUR3 R34LLY GO1NG OUT 1NTO TH3 D33P-3ND ON TH1S ON3  
GC: 4ND Y3S TH4T PUN W4S 100% 1NT3NT1ON4L  
GC: G3T 4 GR1P G1RL  
GC: YOU KNOW TH4TS 1LL3G4L R1GHT  
GC: 1 M1GHT H4V3 TO 3NFORC3 TH3 L4W ON YOU  
GA: You Would Not  
GC: YOU N3V3R KNOW K4N4Y4  
GC: YOU N3V3R KNOW  
GA: No I Know Very Well  
GA: And I Know You Terezi  
GA: You Would Not Enforce The Law On Me  
GA: :)  
GA: And Yes That Smiley Was The Most Sarcastic Smiley  
GC: BL4R  
GC: <>  
GA: Hahahaha  
GA: <>  
GA: Anyway She Made Me The Most Amazing Necklace  
GA: It Is A Shell Necklace To Remind Me Of Her  
GA: But It Is An Odd Green Colour  
GA: Could You Care To Identify It  
GA: I Know What You Are Like When It Comes To Colour Identifying  
GA: Here It Is

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] sent file: Necklace_6121111.JPG! --

GC: HMM  
GC: SM3LLS V3RY   
GC: J4D3  
GC: 1TS POSH 4S FUCK FROM WH4T 1 SM3LL  
GC: V3RY R1CH 1N 1TS ST4ND1NG  
GC: SM3LLS 4UTH3NT1C 4ND PROB4BLY 3XP3NS1V3 1F YOU SOLD 1T  
GC: BUT YOU 4SK3D 4BOUT COLOUR  
GC: SO 1M GO1NG TO H4Z4RD 4 GU3SS TH4T TH1S TH1NG 1S J4D3  
GC: 1T LOOKS PR3TTY R4R3 THOUGH 1LL S4Y  
GC: >:]  
GC: SH3 MUST *R34LLY* L1K3 YOU  
GA: I Am Completely And Unabashedly Taken With Her  
GA: She Is The Love Of My Life   
GA: No Matter What Her Social Standing Is  
GA: Though Her Social Standing Is  
GA: Ah  
GA: Shes A Siren Terezi  
GC: D44444444444444444444444MN  
GC: K4N4Y4 HOLY FUCK  
GC: HOW 4R3 YOU 4L1V3??  
GA: Surprisingly She Is As Lovely And Naive As She Is Online  
GA: She Even Makes Puns In Real Life  
GC: SH3 SOUNDS R34LLY T4K3N 1N YOU K4N4Y4  
GC: HUH   
GC: 4 S1R3N WHO H4SNT 3V3N K1LL3D YOU Y3T  
GC: YOU GOT YOURS3LF 4 K33P3R TH3R3  
GC: D4MN  
GC: 1 C4N ONLY W1SH TO TH3 GODS FOR SUCH 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P  
GC: >:P  
GA: Youll Find Your Love Terezi  
GA: You Might Want To Try Not Incinerating Anyone Who Flirts With You First Though  
GC: WH4T C4N 1 S4Y  
GC: 1M ONLY 3NFORC1NG TH3 L4W  
GA: Youre Fucking Burning People Terezi  
GA: You Are Heartlessly Burning People  
GC: TH3Y SHOULDNT H4V3 FL1RT3D W1TH M3 WH1L3 1 W4S ON DUTY  
GC: >8]  
GA: What Am I Going To Do With You  
GA: Seriously What  
GA: You Cant Just Keep Burning People  
GC: 4WW  
GC: >:[  
GC: L4M3  
GA: Sometimes I Wonder If Youre Actually Just A Dragon Instead Of Dragonborn  
GC: D1D YOU JUST C4LL M3 "DR4GONBORN"?  
GC: DO 1 LOOK L1K3 4 SKYR1M CH4R4CT3R TO YOU  
GA: That Is Not What I Meant And You Know It  
GA: Youre A Dragon Shapeshifter Nonetheless Though  
GC: SORRY K4N4Y4 1 C4NT H34R YOU  
GC: 1M TOO BUSY PR4CT1C1NG MY FUS RO D4H  
GA: Terezi  
GC: BL4H F1N3 1LL STOP  
GC: FOR NOW  
GC: >8P YOU C4NT K33P TH1S G4L DOWN FOR LONG THOUGH M1NTY  
GC: THOUGH YOU SHOULD R34LLY B3 4SL33P  
GC: YOU H4V3 4 B1G D4Y PL4NN3D TOMORROW  
GA: Oh Really  
GA: Do Tell  
GA: I Havent A Clue What My Big Day Could Be  
GC: DONT PL4Y S4RC4ST1C W1TH M3  
GC: 1TS YOUR PR3P4R4T1ON TO TH3 THRON3 D4Y R3H3RS4L TH1NG  
GA: Great I Cant Wait  
GC: K4N4Y4 DONT L13 TO M3  
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR D3C31T FROM M1L3S 4W4Y  
GC: Y3S 3V3N THROUGH 4 COMPUT3R SCR33N  
GC: TH4TS HOW K33N MY S3NS3 OF SM3LL FOR L13S 1S  
GA: I Can Never Get Away With Anything Can I  
GA: Not Even Blatant Sarcasm  
GC: H3Y 1 L3T YOU G3T 4W4Y W1TH LO4DS OF SH1T  
GC: 1 TOLD YOU TO GO M33T TH3 G1RL 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
GC: S1NC3 YOU K3PT SWOON1NG 4BOUT H3R  
GC: GOD YOU C4N B3 SO 4NNOY1NG WH3N YOUR3 1N LOV3  
GA: Youll Understand When You Fall Flush Terezi  
GC: R3M1ND M3 TO N3V3R F4LL FLUSH TH3N  
GA: Hahaha   
GA: I Will Do Then  
GA: I Suppose I Shall Sleep  
GC: Y3S YOU D4MN W3LL SHOULD  
GC: GOOD N1GHT K4N4Y4  
GC: 4ND GOOD LUCK  
GC: >;]  
GA: <>  
GC: <>

\--  gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]! --

Sighing again, Kanaya still found herself smiling at the conversation she just had with Terezi. Terezi was her bodyguard-slash-moirail. She took her job _very_ seriously. A little too seriously in Kanaya’s honest opinion, but it wasn’t like Kanaya minded at all. In fact, Kanaya loved how sincere and honest Terezi was, and how much she wanted to _help_ her. She treated Kanaya differently from the others of her employ - that is, she treated her like an actual person with feelings and who can, in fact, protect herself, rather than a piece of fragile glass to be handled with care. Kanaya was a _vampire_ after all _._ She can handle a little blood. She wanted no part in the Derse-Prospit war, but that didn’t mean she _couldn’t_ kill someone trying to assassinate her.

That’s why she carries a chainsaw around. Her adoptive father loved the idea of her wielding a chainsaw. Such a messy way to kill, the blood gets everywhere, and he loved playing with blood, from what Kanaya knew. He was still always good to Kanaya, though. Her late mother used to wield a scythe, Kanaya thought a chainsaw was as close as you can get to that. To keep a somewhat pleasant memory of her mother.

She saw a small blip on her chat client from Feferi. “It seems the image has been sent, then,” she whispered to herself. Kanaya took a quick peruse at it, chuckling before saving the image onto her laptop. They shared a few more heartfelt messages, before Kanaya decided it was time to turn in for the night and sleep. She slept like a log.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Chapters in one day!! :D

Feferi did not go home straight away when she left. Yes, she left the pier and appeared as to be heading back home, but she was too worried that the deep sea pressure would destroy her beautiful flower. It was too lovely to get ruined by the sea in such a disastrous way. She knew where she had to go to stop this inevitability, and she also knew that the person in question owed her a _huge_ favour. As if introducing her to Kanaya wasn’t enough.

It really wasn’t, he owed her a lot more for what he did, all those years ago. But his magical abilities were too good to just let him be _killed_. So, Feferi convinced the court to send him into exile. He’s still a good friend of Feferi, even if she’s gotten too busy recently to talk to him more often. But, he was the only one who could help in this trying time.

She had to contact Eridan. He’d want to know how the date went, anyway.

\--  cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]! --

CC: --------ERIDAN!!!  
CC: -ERIDAN, I )(AV-E SO MUC)( TO T-ELL YOU!!  
CA: damn fef  
CA: you sound excited  
CA: take it your date wwent wwell  
CC: Y-EP!!!!!  
CA: fef  
CC: ocray ill stop yelling now, but im just  
CC: R-----EALY --------EXCIT-ED!!!!!  
CA: i can tell  
CA: you really forked that e  
CC: Okay okay I'll stop.  
CC: But s)(e’s just so...  
CC: CUT------E!  
CA: you glad you met up wwith her then  
CA: thats  
CA: good i guess  
CC: -Eridan.  
CA: fine ill stop wwhinin  
CA: besides im ovver that noww  
CC: 38P  
CC: You betta be.  
CA: god these fish puns are outta control  
CA: so  
CA: did anythin happen betwween the twwo of ya  
CA: like  
CA: kissin or somethin  
CC: Pfff, stop acting weird about this, -Eridan.  
CC: And to answer your question:  
CC: Y------ES!!!!!!!!!!  
CC: We kissed many times and I took a selfie wit)( )(er and god, I love )(er so MUC)(!!  
CC: O)( my God  
CC: I called it a s)(ellfie.  
CC: I said s)(ellfie to )(er FAC-E.  
CC: GOD I’m an -EMBARRASSM-ENT.  
CA: ahahahaha  
CA: thats lovve for you fef  
CA: makes you say stupid shit like fuckin shellfie  
CA: shellfie really fef  
CA: im embarrassed for you  
CC: I s)(ould tape my mout)( s)(ut and never speak again.  
CA: dont say that  
CA: if you do that you wwouldnt get ta havve sloppy makeouts  
CC: BLU)(!  
CC: I )(ate t)(at youre rig)(t.   
CA: im alwways right  
CC: You still want to kill every Prospitian.  
CA: so  
CA: im still right  
CA: most of em are assholes who keep POLLUTIN THE GODDAMN OCEAN  
CC: I )(ave a feeling t)(is is somet)(ing more P-ERSONAL than simply killing every Prospitian, now.  
CC: Am I rig)(t?  
CA: maybe  
CA: wwhats it to you  
CC: 38;P  
CA: ugh nevver mind  
CA: anywway you contacted me for a reason didnt you  
CA: you rarely talk to me wwithout a reason anymore  
CC: 38( I’m sorry! I’m just really busy lately.  
CC: But yes, I did contact you for a reason.  
CC: I need to )(ave somet)(ing become indestructible and/or somet)(ing t)(at can’t die.  
CA: wwhat the fuck fef  
CA: wwhat did you do  
CC: S)(e got me a FLOW-ER!!!!  
CC: It’s beautiful and I want to keep if FOR-EV-ER.  
CC: Isn’t that romantic?  
CA: you wwant  
CA: to make  
CA: a flowwer  
CA: indestructible  
CC: Yes.  
CA: oh my god  
CC: Remember your promise~  
CA: UGH  
CA: god the things i do for you  
CA: okay  
CA: bring it up to me  
CC: T)(ANK YOU T)(ANK YOU T)(ANK YOU!!!!!!!  
CC: YOU’R-E T)(-E B-EST!!  
CA: im only doin this cause youre my friend  
CC: 38*  
CC: Planktonic smooc)(es!!  
CA: of all the nautical puns you choose  
CA: i cant evven be mad fef  
CA: i cant evven be mad  
CC: 38D   
CC: I’m coming up to meet you, now, so be prepared for t)(e Princess of t)(e Sea!!  
CA: GOD fine  
CA: im preparin noww  
CA: see you fef  
CC: Bye!!!!

\--  cuttlefishCuller [CC]  ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]! --

Feferi chuckled, before heading in the direction of Eridan’s boat-home. It’s basically a shipwrecked boat he called his home after being kicked out of the Kingdom of Derse. Feferi just did not understand why he didn’t just go to the Kingdom of Prospit instead. He’d probably like it there, Eridan never liked the sea in the first place; his old home was mostly out of the water.

She sighed, supposing that Eridan both just liked the aesthetic of having a shipwreck home and was unable to let go of his grudge against the Prospitian land. This “Pollutin’ the goddamn ocean” shtick was news to her, though. Interesting. Feferi would have to keep a keen eye on that.

Soon enough, though, she reached his home. He was waiting outside on the deck.

“Hey, Fef,” he mumbled, giving her a small wave as a greeting. She grinned, looking up to him from the water.

“Hey, give me a boost!” She mock-demanded. She saw him give a _very visible sigh_ ; she noticed his shoulders droop and everything. She giggled at how exasperated he looked. A swish of a wand later, and a watery stairwell was made.

It didn’t look safe, and when he first did this, Feferi didn’t trust them at all. But she’s been walking up these stairs for a while now. She walked up the steps to his home with as much grace as a Princess of the Sea could muster. Which, in Feferi’s case, was with the grace of an elephant.

Hey, she’s the princess of the sea for a reason, and that reason is that she is full of grace and poise _in the sea_.

She ran to give Eridan a hug, which he didn’t seem to expect. “So… How’ve you been?” She asked, excited to start the conversation. He simply sighed in response.

“Maybe we should go inside first? Better to talk inside anyway, it’s warmer in there. Less likely to have any fuckin’ spies spyin’ on us, too,” He mumbled. Feferi guessed that was true, so she simply shrugged it off and let him direct her inside his home.

She sat on a sofa, as he ‘prepared’ her something to drink. It wasn’t prepared. Feferi knew she had an addiction to TaB, and she knew Eridan knew, too. He was preparing _himself_ some tea, because he has a ‘refined taste’.

He is such a Dork.

Feferi got comfortable on the sofa, taking her shoes off and putting her feet up onto it. Eridan came back into the room a few minutes later with a steaming hot mug in one hand and a bright pink can in the other and took a seat on the chair opposite.

“So… How’d the date go?” Eridan asked. He seemed eager to know, Feferi noted how he couldn’t sit still, but she just assumed it was an attempt to get comfortable. Feferi simply giggled in response.

“It went great, Eridan!” She could just barely keep herself still. She told Eridan about the date, the kisses shared, the shock and surprise that she’s _Prospit_ , everything. Eridan took the explanation well, she saw him making emotions that shocked even her. She never got those expressions when they were moirails! Still, it was nice that she was able to notice him not being so uptight.

It was at this point that she showed Eridan the flower. “This is it. I want to keep it safe from being destroyed by anything, really. I can’t have it ruined by something as silly as deep sea ocean pressure,” she explained.

Eridan sighed. “Well, I can see what you mean, you’d want to keep a gift from your girlfriend safe after all. Even a stupid flower.” The small smile on his face unveiled the true nature of that ‘stupid’. He thought it was romantic, the sappy fuck. Feferi smirked.

“Now, now, Eridan, you don’t mean that! I know you’re a sucker for a good romance,” She teased him, and he flopped back on the chair in defeat. She was surprised he didn’t spill a drop of his tea. It was quite funny to watch actually, and she emitted a chuckle from his dramatic antics.

Never change, Eridan. Never change.

“Fef, don’t call me out like this.” He groans, and her chuckle grew into shoulder-shaking laughter. She quickly recovered her poise, and continued on a line of thought she wanted to ask him about.

“Eridan, what’s this about a ‘Prospitian’ that’s, and I quote, ‘Pollutin the seas?’” She said, and used air-quotes around the phrase she quoted from Eridan, “Because if there was any Prospitian related pollution - Which I know there _is_ , I’m not oblivious - but if there’s one specifically in a single place, I’d know about it,” she explained.

“Fef, how would you know about it?”

“Eridan, it’s kind of my fucking job,”

He groaned again, though this time he sounded a lot more tired. He put the empty mug down onto the table, and sat more comfortably on the chair. “Fine, I’ll tell you,” he mumbled. Feferi smirked at him.

“So…?”

“Basically, there’s this fuckin’ asshole who been livin’ on the beach over the way for some time; Noticed the house when I first got here, actually. I think he noticed some movement on the boat too, so he must be getting somewhat suspicious,” Feferi noticed that Eridan spoke using a lot of gestures, which she found amusing.

“How so?”

“I don’t know, just seems like it, I guess. I was gettin’ rather suspicious of him, too. Then one day. One _fuckin’_ day, I’m walking outta my home to get myself a fuckin’ fish or somethin’ for dinner, and _that fuckin thing floats up to my boat._ ”

Feferi gasped, “What thing?”

Eridan leaned over the arm of the chair to pick up the thing. It was a full bottle of grape flavour Faygo. “ _This thing._ ” Feferi stared at the bottle. She would admit, it’s not her kind of brand. Never mind the fact that Faygo’s not allowed to the people of Derse.

Her mother has a vendetta against that brand, apparently. She didn’t understand. It was just soda to her.

“Eridan. I don’t think that would be classed as pollution,” She sighed.

“Fef, you don’t under _stand,”_ she could _hear_ how stressed that last syllable was. “He’s done this _more than once_. I’ve counted a total of twenty three fuckin’ bottles a Faygo here, Fef. Twenty fuckin’ three. What’s his plan, to poison me?”

“Eridan,” She sighed once more, exasperated. “Not everything is a plot to murder you. Maybe, just _maybe,_ he wants to make friends!” she stressed to him.

“Friends?” He scoffed, “What Prospitian wants to make _friends_ with a Dersite? It _doesn’t happen._ ”

“Eridan, have you ever heard of the phrase ‘friendship is magic’?”

He rolled his eyes, “Pssh, sounds fake.”

Feferi crossed her arms and pouted, “ _Eridan._ ”

He had the gall to laugh at her. “I’m not the one who called it magic, Fef, and we all know magic is bullshit,”

“ _Eridan,_ ” She couldn’t take him denying it anymore. She stood up from the sofa and stomped her foot. “You are _literally_ a wizard!”

“I’m a _scientist,_ practicin’ _white science!”_

“BULLSHIP.”

“Puns.”

She screamed at the ceiling in outrage. When she finally calmed down, she sat back on the sofa, and took the final swig of the can of TaB. “Have you even tried it?”

“What no, it might be poisoned,” he explained.

She rolled her eyes at that. There was no way _she’d_ be able to convince him to take a swig of the soda, and she didn’t have the time, either. “Can you enchant the flower now?” She asked, impatient.

“‘Enchant’ makes it sound like I’m performin’ witchery on it, which I’m not. I’m simply performing a scientific experiment on it, Fef, get it right.” He, incorrectly in Feferi’s opinion, corrected.

“You-Ugh, never mind, just do the thing,” She said, just shy of actually growling at him. She forgot how annoying he could be at times. Even when exiled he has such a chip on his shoulder and it aggravates her.

Either way, he did something to it which made it ‘more indestructible than the old Nokia 3310’. Feferi didn’t understand what Eridan meant by that, but she nodded along anyway. She took the flower back and placed it in her hair. It would look nice there, anyway. She giggled, she probably looks like a mermaid!

She waved goodbye to Eridan and encourages him to at least try the soda the Prospitian was sending him, before diving back into the water and swimming back into her home.

Being a Sea Princess is hard and no one understands. Luckily, though, she was able to sneak back into her room with no hassle. Through a window, of course. The only true way of sneaking back into your room after being out past curfew is by sneaking in through the window, after all! She giggled, being a rebel to curfew sure is fun!

Just as she tucked herself into her bed she remembered she had to send the photo. Luckily, her phone was still in close proximity to her, so she was able to text while lying in bed. A single photo was sent, then a few more messages, and internet hugs and kisses, before Kanaya said her goodbyes, and went to sleep. Gosh, Feferi loved her so much. She huddled herself in some blankets and closed her eyes, her dreams drifting into a wonderland wherein she and Kanaya ruled over a kingdom with no blood-driven strife, and they could be together forever.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, so I thought to post it now c:

Kanaya stared at the wreckage that _was_ the preparatory rehearsal for the crown transfer. She knew it wouldn’t end well. She blamed Terezi entirely. Though she couldn’t blame her for doing it, though. It was taking far too long and they don’t have to do this _every month of the year._ In Kanaya’s honest opinion, the rehearsals were stupid. She took a deep breath in, and ever so slowly breathed out. She was probably going to go _grey_ from this.

The next thing she knew, something grappled her and she was flying. Looking up, Kanaya saw a dragon. The dragon was teal and white in colour, with a red marking around her eyes. Kanaya chuckled softly.

“This certainly brings a new meaning to ‘going out with a bang’, Terezi,” she shouted over the wind.

Terezi howled in an odd tone, which Kanaya understood to be her signature cackle. She knew Terezi had heard her, but she also knew that with the wind speed and velocity of the travel would make it very hard for Kanaya to hear her reply. The chuckle was enough of a reply, anyway. Kanaya wondered where Terezi was taking her, perhaps somewhere quiet? She hoped somewhere quiet anyway.

Terezi finally swooped down to a stop, landing softly on the ground below. She flapped her wings twice, before shifting into her usual self. “Sorry Kanaya but that rehearsal was _so boring._ I had to shake it up a little. It was a _nightmare,”_ she explained to Kanaya, brushing herself off. Kanaya sighed a deep sigh, deeper than any sigh ever known.

“Well, Terezi,” she started, “I know it was a boring thing to sit through, I was the one participating and even I found it a bore, but…” Kanaya drew a deep sigh, “When I asked you to liven up the party, burning the party platter was _not what I meant,_ ” Terezi only gave her a cackle in response.

“Kanaya you should know me better by _now_. I live for the thrill of the day, carp-dee-em or something, am I right?” She grinned, and Kanaya gave out an extremely heavy sigh. She was so done with the situation right now.

“Terezi, it’s pronounced _carpe diem,_ ” she corrected. Terezi scoffed, and told her she was close enough. Kanaya couldn’t say she was _wrong_ anyway. “Where are we, anyway?” She asked Terezi.

“Oh, uh,” She shrugged. “I dunno, just seemed like a pretty good place to land.”

“ _Terezi,_ ”

“Okay, _fiiine,_ we’re at the The Elysium Sanctuary. You know, the place you go to when you’re stressed?” She finally explained. Kanaya smiled.

“Oh, well, thank you, Terezi. I needed this.” She shuffled on her feet, “Would you do me the honour of going on a walk with me?” She asked. Terezi chuckled.

“Well of course, milady,” She mock-bowed, and Kanaya laughed. Terezi handed a hand out to Kanaya, which she gladly took.

They walked across the Sanctuary Gardens for a while, before finally reaching a bench and sitting down at it. Kanaya explained her meeting with Feferi to Terezi further, showing the picture that Feferi had taken. Or, well, sending the picture to Terezi, and Terezi sniffing and licking her phone to see it. She told Terezi that Feferi had called the picture a ‘Shellfie’, and how cute it was. Terezi booed the pun. She does not know the meaning of ‘endearing’, according to Kanaya’s thoughts.

They then spent the next 5 minutes or so in a comfortable silence, Kanaya listening to the birds chirping in the trees, carefully listening to the breathing of Terezi. It was calm, soothing in a way. Kanaya liked how the two of them could just sit in silence like this, it was quiet but it wasn’t an awkward quiet. It was nice for once, and Kanaya really liked it.

Terezi finally broke the silence between the two, “So, you really like her, then, huh?”

Kanaya nodded, “Truly. Even if I had to abandon my position as royalty, I would just so I could be with her.”

“Then why don’t you?” Terezi asked. That… That shocked Kanaya. She didn’t realise that was an option – in fact, she didn’t think it even _was_ an option to choose.

“I-I can’t do that, can I?”

Terezi nodded, smirking, “Hell yes you can, you’re Kanaya Makara-Maryam, you can do whatever the hell you want. Even if it’s abandoning everything you’ve known for a girl in Derse.” She made a thinking face afterwards, however, which worried Kanaya.

“What’s with that face, Terezi?” She asked. Terezi hummed, before sniff-licking the photo again.

“Kanaya, what do you know about the Dersite Royalty?” She asked. Kanaya shrugged, shaking her head.

“Not much, I’m afraid.”

Terezi chuckled, before those chuckles grew into her signature cackle. Her cackle could - and did - scare the birds out of their trees. Kanaya missed the birds. “Miss Minty, dear,” She began, “You’re dating the Dersite Royalty,”

Kanaya jumped, “WHAT?!”

“I’m not joking,” Terezi said, while laughing, “This Feferi girl of yours is the next in line to the Derse Kingdom’s throne, like you’re next in line to the Prospit throne! God, this is a story for the ages. Wait, _Kanaya,_ ” She grappled Kanaya’s shoulders “Kanaya, this will go down in _history!”_ She exclaimed. She seemed excited about that. Kanaya however did not feel excited about that. In fact, she was pretty terrified.

“Oh my God,” She lamented, “This can only lead to death and destruction.”

Terezi smirked, “Not on my watch, my Minty friend. Not on my watch.”

Kanaya sat there for another 3 hours, before Terezi formed back into a dragon and flew her back home. It was, luckily, a relaxing flight back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter every one-two weeks depending! I need to get a proper schedule, but here's hoping!

Terezi marched across her room, in a small panic. She was worried, of course she was worried. She had literally every reason and more to be worried, her moirail could be in danger. She had to fix this somehow. How did Kanaya not know that the person who she was in flush with was the _Dersite royalty?_ Did her father not tell her _anything_ about them?

Actually, knowing him, he probably didn’t. He has such a grudge against them. Terezi could swear they were pitch, if she even cared about the state of the King’s Quadrants. Which, in fact, she didn’t.

That was her Mother’s job, after all. No wonder she hated her job so much.

Terezi shook her head violently. Stop spiralling! It’s irrelevant! What _is_ relevant, however, is _how the hell is Kanaya going to get out of this without DYING??_

“Ok, Terezi,” she spoke out loud to the air, to herself, really, “Calm down. We can do this. So let’s get our facts straight… Right, because talking to yourself is anything _but_ straight.” She sighed. She had a point though.

She grabbed herself a blank scroll she had spare and a large chunk of red chalk, sharpened on one end. She then began to scribble, as if she were a police detective. The thought that her talents were honestly wasted in her current job crossed her mind, which she thought was correct, actually. She shrugged it off nonetheless.

“So, Kanaya and Feferi are dating…” She drew a shitty picture of both Kanaya and Feferi as she spoke, both with their respective Kingdoms next to them. She drew a line across to meet the two, surrounding it with hearts. “-And their parents hate each other,” She then drew the King of Prospit and the Queen of Derse, connecting a line of crosses between the two of them.

“Hmm… _Wait._ ” Terezi had an _absolutely crazy idea._ It was perfect. “Kanaya and I are moirails,” She muttered, drawing herself and connecting it to Kanaya with Diamonds, “And, if my hunch is right, Feferi knows…” Fuck, what was his name. Terezi used to FLARP with him when they were young. She spoke to him about Kanaya before, though never mentioning that the Princess of Prospit’s name _was_ Kanaya. He spoke about a ‘Fef’, which Terezi has now deduced to be a nickname for Feferi, and how she was the ‘Princess a Derse’… He never was good at secrecy. Now _what was that dipshit’s name?_

AHA! She drew him down on the scroll, connecting him with Feferi.

“ _Eridan.”_

She decided she will contact Eridan, as he was possibly the only one to figure out a way to sort out this situation, and fast. She’d figure out a plan on the go.

\--  gallowsCalibrator [GC] started trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]! --

GC: H3Y  
GC: H3Y  
GC: H3Y D1PSH1T  
GC: 3R1D4N 4NSW3R YOUR FUCK1NG PHON3  
GC: _D1PSH1T!!_  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhat the fuck do you wwant ter  
GC: WH4T DO YOU _TH1NK_ 1 W4NT?  
CA: uhh  
CA: i dunno  
CA: i nevver really thought you wwanted to evven speak to me again after the incident so  
GC: BL4R!  
GC: G3T OV3R YOURS3LF  
GC: NOT 3V3RYTH1NG 1S 4BOUT YOU, YOU KNOW!  
CA: fine i get it  
CA: its not about wwhatevver happened in the past or somethin  
CA: so  
CA: wwhat _is_ it about  
GC: DO YOU KNOW TH3 PR1NC3SS OF D3RS3?  
CA: you mean fef  
GC: Y34H  
GC: DO YOU KNOW H3R?  
CA: uh  
CA: yeah  
CA: wwhy   
CA: wwhat do you wwant wwith fef  
GC: NOTH1NG!  
GC: SH3S JUST D4T1NG SOM3ON3 1 KNOW  
CA: you knoww i shouldnt evven be talkin to you  
CA: considerin our respectivve positions   
CA: you knoww  
CA: the fact that youre prospit an im derse  
GC: YOU S4Y TH4T L1K3 FL4RP _1SNT_ 4 LOOPHOL3 OF TH3 L4W  
CA: ugh  
CA: anywway you said fef wwas datin someone you knoww  
GC: Y34H  
GC: SH3S D4T1NG MY MO1R41L  
GC: W3LL  
GC: MO1R41L-SL4SH-GU4RD33  
CA: guardee  
GC: 1M 4 BODYGU4RD 3R1D4N  
GC: 1TS WH4T 1 _DO_  
CA: wwait  
CA: arent you protectin the fuckin  
CA: princess a prospit or some shit like that  
GC: Y3S  
GC: J3SUS 3R1D4N TH4TS WH4T 1V3 B33N TRY1NG TO T3LL YOU TH1S 3NT1R3 T1M3  
CA: look i nevver said i wwas a fast learner  
GC: Y3S YOU D1D  
GC: WH3N W3 PL4Y3D FL4RP  
GC: 4ND YOU LOST 3V3RY T1M3  
CA: shut up ter no one needs to knoww that  
GC: W3LL CONS1D3R1NG 1M TH3 ONLY P3RSON CONV3RS1NG W1TH YOU R1GHT NOW 1N TH1S PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ON  
GC: 1D S4Y TH4T NO ON3 W1LL 1N F4CT KNOW  
CA: is she really that sarcastic  
GC: K4N4Y4 1S S1MPLY TH3 B3ST TH3R3 1S 4T S4RC4SM  
GC: 1TS RUBB3D OFF ON M3  
CA: i can tell  
CA: anywway  
CA: youre tellin me because...  
GC: 3R1D4N  
CA: wwait   
CA: kanaya?  
CA: wwait fuck  
GC: UH HUH  
GC: GO ON  
CA: FUCK   
CA: SHES DATIN THE PRINCESS A DERSE  
GC: TH3R3 W3 GO!!!!  
GC: GOT TH3R3 1N TH3 3ND  
CA: fuck   
CA: this is so bad  
CA: howw are they gonna get outta this situation  
GC: TH3 ONLY W4Y W3 KNOW HOW TO  
GC: THROUGH 4 S3R13S OF 1NT3NS3 4ND CR4ZY SH3N4N1G4NS  
CA: of course  
GC: >:P  
CA: but seriously ter  
CA: these shenanigans require a sevvere amount a plannin  
CA: plus wwe gotta make sure they dont die  
GC: HMM  
GC: DO W3 R34LLY?  
CA: yes ter  
CA: its your fucking job  
CA: and i didnt evven drop the g on that  
CA: i EMPHASISED it  
CA: thats howw serious i am  
GC: BL4R 1 KNOW WH4T MY JOB 1S  
GC: 4ND 1M V3RY GOOD 4T MY JOB  
GC: WH4T 1M _S4Y1NG_ 1S  
GC: DO TH3Y R34LLY H4V3 TO NOT-D13?  
CA: wwhat are you suggestin here ter  
GC: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1M SUGG3ST1NG??  
CA: fake death?  
GC: B3TT3R  
GC: F4K3 SU1C1D3  
GC: W3R3 GO1NG TO ROHM3O 4ND JUL13T TH1S SH1T  
CA: ter  
CA: really  
CA: that wwont wwork in a million years  
CA: thats the stupidest plan ivve evver heard  
GC: 444444444444ND  
CA: fuck it  
CA: its also the most romantic fuckin plan ivve evver heard  
CA: but howw are they evven goin to do it   
CA: like seriously ter  
CA: they dont evven knoww wwe are talkin about this  
GC: 1 KNOW 4 GUY WHO KNOWS 4 GUY  
CA: you knoww a guy  
CA: that knowws a guy  
CA: wwoww thats so descriptivve  
GC: BL44444444R  
GC: 1 M34N 1 KNOW SOM3ON3 WHO KNOWS SOM3ON3 WHO SP3C14L1S3S 1N TH4T K1ND OF STUFF  
CA: wwhat kind of stuff  
CA: seriously ter you should go into novvelin because this is so elucidated  
GC: 1 C4NT T4LK 4BOUT 1T OV3R 4 CL13NT  
GC: 1T COULD B3 W4TCH3D  
CA: is it that serious  
GC: Y34H  
CA: more serious than plannin a fake fuckin suicide mission  
GC: _**Y34H**_  
CA: fine  
GC: BRB >;]

\--  gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]! --

Perfect. Terezi chuckled. She had her plan figured out and verified. Her 3 part plan will soon come into fruition. Part one: Contact Eridan And Cold-Drop the conversation is complete. Next was time for Part 2 of the 3 part plan: Contact The Guy Who Knows The Guy. Then she could initiate Part 3.

\--  gallowsCalibrator [GC] started trolling centaursTesticle [CT]! --

GC: H3Y  
CT: D --> ?  
CT: D --> Oh, hello Pyrope  
CT: D --> What is the reason for you contacting me  
GC: M33T M3 OUTS1D3 OK4Y?  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I will arrive soon, then  
GC: COOL B34NS  
CT: D --> I don’t understand this phrase  
CT: D --> But okay  
GC: S33 YOU! >;]

\--  gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]! --

Perfect times two combo. She quickly escaped out of her pyjamas and into a comfy pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie that was 2 sizes too big, with a teal coloured Libra symbol inscribed across the front. She then grabbed her dragon cane and bright red glasses, putting them on her face.

It was time to initiate Part 3. She later thought that she could have called them Stages instead. It would have sounded so much cooler. Oh well, she would stick to the stupid word ‘Part’ instead.

Anyway.

Part 3 involved picking up the Informant and traveling to where Eridan lived. Or at least she thought he lived. She figured she’d get her friend to trace Eridan’s position instead. So much easier.

She opened the window in her bedroom and stood on the ledge. She was going to ‘Go Dragon’, to adapt a phrase from a TV Show she quite liked as a child. She was more into crime and cop related shows now, though. She shook her head violently once more to focus; there was no time to go into another needless spiral. She fixed the positioning of her glasses and looked out into the sky. She raised her arms, aiming for a low T-Position, or as much as she was able to while holding a Dragon cane.

Then she jumped out.

Though, before she was able to become a dragon, she was caught by a… flying… something. She took a long sniff. This smelt like a horse. A flying, sweaty horse.

This was her informants doing. She knew he always wanted to do the right thing, she did! He was just… extremely misguided, in Terezi’s view. She thought that he was just trying to make up for the fact his father got their entire family name exiled from Prospit by helping the people of Prospit.

She felt the flying horse land on the flat ground, and she jumped off. She’d never get used to being _carried_. She much prefers _carrying._ “Blar, _why_. I was going to ‘Go Drago’,” She complained, as she brushed herself off. The horse in front was pawing the ground, seemingly happy, but smelt as though it was waiting for something. Terezi sighed, rolling her eyes, “Thanks, though.” That seemed to cheer the horse up. He trotted closer to her, lowering his head to nuzzle at Terezi’s face. “Blaaaaar, you’re getting your sweaty horse hair in my _mouth,_ ” She complained again. Luckily, the horse stepped back, and seemingly poofed into the informant she was expecting. He crossed his arms, stern.

“Well, if you wanted to ‘Go Drago’,” He used air-quotes, and Terezi rolled her eyes again, “Then you should have told me before you jumped out of the top floor window, I thought you’d fallen!” He explained. She sighed, she knew it was something like that.

“Ugh, fine, thanks for catching me,” She begrudgingly said. That seemed to make him happier. At least she thought, anyway. “You’re easier to read as a horse, by the way,”

“Good, I’m glad. I pride myself in being unreadable,” He said.

“That’s a stupid thing to pride yourself on,” Terezi remarked, “Considering I’m blind,” She could smell him roll his eyes at that. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, then. “Where’s your shades, blueberry?”

“Hmph.” She took another sniff and found out he had his arms crossed again… hmm.

“Aww, you’re in a huff.” Terezi grinned.

“Shh. I broke them, okay?” She could tell from the tone of his voice that he was pouting when he said that. She cackled at the thought.

“Aww. Oh well, let’s go,” She states.

“Where are we going?” He asked. Terezi grinned.

“We are going to meet an old friend. Now brace yourself, Blueberry Bubble-gum, I’m about to unleash my Fus Ro Dah.”

“Oh, no,” He sounded terrified. That’s so cute.

“Oh, _yes_ ,” She grinned, showing all of her teeth. “Oh, before I turn dragon, can you maybe track a person for me?”

“Wh-Why?” He asked, perplexed.

“Because that’s who we’re meeting up with and I’m not sure if he’s moved home,” She explained. She tossed her phone to him, first licking it to see if it was on the right chat.

He shrugged before catching the phone, “You do know how disgusting this is right now, right?” Terezi simply cackled in response. The poor sweaty horse sighed. “Of _course_ you do.” Terezi smelt him messing with the phone a little longer, and shuffled as she waited, impatient. “I’ve got his location, do you want me to Troogle Map it, or just give you the coords?” He asked, finally handing the phone back.

She grinned in response, “Why not both, Big Blue?” She then proceeded to laugh once more, finally stopping after she heard him let out an extremely audible sigh. He was so, so done. He told her the coordinates of Eridan’s new location, which were different than the last ones. Interesting indeed, had he moved home? She wouldn’t know unless she went.

He finally got the location into Troogle Maps, “I got a map for us to use, try not to fly too fast, please.”

“No promises, Equius!” She teased. She transformed herself into her Dragon form, grabbing Equius off the ground and flying off towards the ocean in the cover of darkness.

She inwardly laughed at his near constant screaming.


	5. Chapter 5

It was near the end of their flight when Terezi threw Equius into the air, only dipping down to catch him on her back. That really caused him to scream in pure terror. Terezi felt him wrap his strong and sweaty arms around her neck, and a sniff and glance back unveiled that he had his eyes shut tightly.

“Damn, I really did a number on you, didn’t I?” She yelled over the wind. Equius, thankfully, heard her.

“ _PLEASE CAN WE STOP,”_

“We’re almost there!”

“ _I WANT TO GO HOME!”_

“Nope!” She swooped down again, circling a suspicious looking shipwreck. “This the place?”

She felt him nod, “Yes, this is it. Troogle maps says we’ve reached the destinat- _Will you slow down, please??”_

Terezi cackled, but did eventually slow down the circling. “Hey, can you text him for me? Pretend to be me while you do it.”

“What?”

“Just pretend to be me, duh. I know you’re pretty good at impressions,”

“Why can’t I just text him?”

“Simple. It’s be kind of weird for you to text him out of the blue, right?”

“I suppose… Well, here goes nothing,” He mumbled, nodding. “What should I say?”

Terezi chuckled in response. “Follow my words exactly.” Equius nodded, and appeared to reopen the chat between her and Eridan again.

Eridan was about to get the fright of his life.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] started trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]! --

GC: > H3Y  
GC: > H3Y  
CA: wwhat  
CA: youre back  
CA: wwhere did you go  
CA: an wwhy are you addin that arroww  
GC: WH4T 4RROW?  
CA: you just  
GC: 1 DONT S33 4N 4RROW  
GC: YOU KNOW  
GC: B3C4US3 1M BL1ND  
CA: augh ter  
CA: anywway wwhere did you go  
GC: OH  
GC: NO WH3R3 SP3C14L  
GC: >:]  
CA: i havve my doubts  
GC: 4WW  
GC: 4R3 YOU SC4R3D?  
CA: wwhat  
CA: no  
CA: wwhat the fuck  
GC: TH3N G3T TH3 FUCK OUTS1D3 TH3N  
CA: wwhat  
GC: OUT1S1D3  
GC: 5 M1NUT3S  
GC: DONT B3 L4T3 D1PSH1T  
GC: >8]

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]! --

“I think I have either blew it completely or I somehow tricked him into coming outside by appealing to his paranoia.” Equius looked up at Terezi, she was really big in her dragon form. Equius didn’t think he could handle it. He had always hated heights.

She appeared to roll her eyes nonetheless, though. “Who cares, can I land?”

“Yes, yes you can land.” Equius gripped tighter onto her neck, bracing himself for the drop.

“ _Sweet._ ” She swooped downward, and Equius held onto his breath to stop himself from screaming. She transformed back into her usual self just before reaching the ship’s flooring, causing Equius to panic and jump off of her back lest she hurt herself. He landed in a roll, quickly recovering and jumping back onto his feet.

“Never, _ever_ , do that again. My pusher can’t take it, Pyrope.” This might have been an over exaggeration but Equius swore that her antics had shortened his lifespan by about 5+ years. “And the things I do for you…”

“What things?”

“Terezi, I cursed twice in that conversation. Twice.”

She nodded. “Hmm. I approve.”

Equius pouted. “I however do not.”

She gave out a small laugh, and asked when he would be coming out. Equius told her he told him to arrive outside on his ship deck in 5 minutes, and not to be late. Terezi told him that Eridan will probably be late and will also be armed. Equius said this was typical behaviour for a Dersite. Terezi rolled her eyes at that.

Soon enough, 8 minutes had passed and Eridan finally walked out onto the deck of his shipwreck home. He looked as though he was prepared for war, covered in guns, wands and ammo. He opened his mouth to speak but found himself slack-jawed instead.

He found himself staring at two people, one of which was _Ter_ , the girl he haven’t seen since his last FLARPing session, arguing over whether or not Hanahaki was an actual disease people can suffer and die from.

What had Eridan’s life come to?

“What the fuck am I lookin’ at?” he asked, completely and utterly stunned.

“Settle a debate for us will you?” Asked Ter, grinning. He hadn’t seen those sharp chompers in so long. They seemed to have gotten _sharper_. “Does Hanahaki exist?”

“It does not! It is simply a tale to scare young ones from hopeless love; the myth of ‘true love’, and the myth of ‘love at first sight’, to give some examples. It is simply a fantasy disease written best by fanatics.” The other person explained, and he seemed really exasperated.

Hmm. This must be the guy Ter was talking about. The Guy who knows A Guy. Well, well.

This was certainly an unexpected surprise.

“Why don’t you both come inside, then? We can discuss it in there, where it’s warmer and shit,” Eridan asked. The two visitors nodded. Eridan led them into his humble abode, telling them to take a seat wherever they would like. Terezi perched herself upon the armrest of his sofa, which was typical of her. He found the other person’s name to be Equius through Terezi arguing with him about Hanahaki’s existence. He sat down next to her, obviously more polite than his companion. He sat with etiquette and poise, a majestic kind of manner; she sat like a predator on the prowl for their dinner, the prey in her line of sight and ready to pounce any minute.

“Do you want a drink or something?” Eridan asked, unused to so many visitors in a short span of time. He worried if he had enough supplies in stock to fulfil their needs.

“If you have milk, a glass of that would be fine,” Equius murmured. He seemed quiet to Eridan, which he found unusual as Equius was certainly being more vocal to Ter. Must be shy then. “Oh, if you can, a plastic cup would be much preferable to a glass one.” He added. What an odd request.  

“I’ll just take anything,” Terezi said, shrugging as she did. “So long as it’s red.”

Eridan rolled his eyes at the added request as he entered the kitchen to prepare the drinks. He’d make a nice warm cup of Earl Grey for himself. He fancied the particular brew today.

Once he was finished preparing the tea for himself, he grabbed a plastic cup and poured some milk into it. Equius wanted it, after all. As he poured, he wondered why the guy even liked milk. What a weirdo. Who drinks milk on its own anyway, especially without any cookies to dip into it? He couldn’t find a drink that Terezi would like though, something red? He hadn’t a clue. So he first walked out of the kitchen with a cup of milk in one hand, and a hot mug in the other, placing both on place mats on the table.

That’s when he remembered the Faygo. He was still worried about whether or not it was poisoned, plus the reasoning as to why it was banned for Dersites in the first place. He wasn’t stupid, after all, and you had to keep empirical about these things. Terezi was a Prospitian. So she could test whether or not the Faygo’s the weirdo across the waves kept sending him. One was bright red.

_Perfect_.

“Hey, Ter, I got this Red-pop for you,” He passed it over to her. She thanked him before cracking the bottle open and taking a swig. She sniffed the label.

“Where did you get Faygo in the first place, Eridan?” She asked, “Isn’t it _banned_ for Dersites? You have always kept loyal to the Dersite law to my knowledge, so I have to ask.”

Eridan sighed at that. “Well, Ter, I ain’t a part of the Dersite kingdom anymore.” That shocked both of his visitors.

“What?” They both said at the same time.

Eridan shrugged. “Yeah, funny story. I fucked up big time and now I’m not allowed back in to Derse anymore unless in certain dire circumstances.”

“Oh, how… Interesting,” Equius muttered.

“Yeah, interesting indeed,” Terezi said, though she was noticeably louder than Equius was. A chuckle bubbled from her.

“What did you two want anyway?” Eridan asked.

“First things first, please explain the Faygo.” Equius asked, before Terezi even got to open her mouth to speak. Terezi nodded with him anyway.

“Yeah, because ‘not being apart of the kingdom anymore’ is not a valid excuse to buy this stuff, you know. _Especially_ considering you smell like you have barely left the ship,”

Eridan sighed again, tired. She had a good nose for this kind of thing apparently. “Well, an asshole who lives on the beach a few nautical miles away keeps sending it to me.”

“Wait.” Equius blanched while drinking his milk. “This… _Person_ … Keeps sending you Faygo?” He asked.

“Well, yeah. I’m kind of worried he’s tryin’ to poison me or somethin’,”

“And you gave this possibly poisoned bottle of soda to _me?”_ Terezi asked, sounding quite annoyed. More than annoyed actually. She sounded downright pissed.

“Well I ain’t about to poison myself, am I?” Eridan explained. That didn’t help. That did not help in the slightest. It just made her more pissed.

“ _WHAT?”_

“Do not worry, Terezi, It’s not poisoned,” Equius said in a calming tone, “Trust me. I think I have an idea as to who is sending Eridan the Faygo,” Equius elaborated. That seemed to calm her down a little. Wait-

“Wait, _really?_ ” Eridan asked, stunned.

“Unfortunately, yes." Equius sighed, nodding. He sounded… Very done with life. “Therefore I can assure you it is not poisoned. He is… Well, he’s on a mission to, and please pardon my language because I am going to quote him directly.” He cleared his throat, before continuing.

“His self assigned mission is to ‘Befriend the mother fucker across the waves by the glorious soda that is Faygo, because every mother fucker loves Faygo’. I told him ‘No they do not actually,’ and he said ‘Who the mother fuck cares he looks lonely so I’m cheering him up'. I asked him to ‘explain how exactly are you cheering him up’ and he said ‘I send him one and every time he goes outside to pick it up, I see him jump up and down but he never blows it the mother fuck up like he does with all them fishes he catches for food and stuff’.

“When I asked why he was spying on him, he simply shrugged and said 'I ain’t spying on no one, I’m just bored. There ain’t much else to do here except look at plague carrying rats and parasite birds around on these parts’. When questioned on what a parasite bird looks like, he pointed in the direction of a parasite bird. It was not pretty. _They explode_. They explode in the water and a 5 ft. worm comes out from them. It’s horrifying. I don’t know how he lives like he does. He is an enigma,” Equius explained.

“Hey, I’ve seen those parasite worm birds,” Eridan said, “They’re fuckin’ creepy. The worst ones are the parasite rats though.” He shuddered, “Them ones are hideous.” Equius nodded in agreement.

“I’ve seen one, actually. I nearly threw up all over Mak-My friend when I saw it happen.” What’s this Eridan hears? A name to the fuck that’s been pissing him off with all this soda?

“Hey, what’s the fuck’s name, Eq? Can I call ya Eq?” Eridan asked. Equius shook his head.

“I will not give you his name, but you may call me… Ah, ‘Eq’.”

Terezi seemed to be getting antsy. “Something the matter, Ter?”

“So, Eridan. Question 2, is Hanahaki a thing?” Terezi asked.

“Do you want the long answer or the short answer?”

The two visitors looked at each other. “We’ve time, give us all the details,” Terezi finally said. Eridan had to wonder if the two had some sort of psychic link. He knew they didn’t, because that sort of shit is complete Bee Ess, but he thought about it nonetheless.

He took a long sip of his Earl Grey. He was glad he chose the citrusy tea for this conversation. He needed it. “Ok, the long story is basically how I got fucking kicked out of Derse in the first place, so here goes.”


	6. Chapter 6

Eridan sighed as he recalled the story, taking another sip of his tea. “Well, it happened a long time ago, but it got worse after I quit FLARPing,” He started, and immediately got interrupted.

“I never asked for your life story, Eridan” Terezi said. Eridan rolled his eyes.

“Too bad, you asked for the long story, you’re getting the long story.”

“He does have a point,” Equius mumbled. Terezi sighed.

“Fine, but I won’t promise I’ll be awake for all of it.” Eridan took the final sip of his tea, placing the empty mug on the coffee table. He began to retell the story. It felt like it happened yesterday. It actually happened many years ago.

He was naive young boy back then. He believed in magic, he _practiced_ magic. He didn’t like his family. He fell in love with the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He needed to befriend her immediately.

It had taken a long time, but he finally did it.

But, he needed to become closer to her. He didn’t like being underwater; he had underwater asthma, thus being underwater made it flare up more often. However, he loved his princess more. More than his need to actually breathe. Through a long series of pestering and pinning, the two finally became moirails.

He never wanted to be moirails. But he couldn’t tell her that.

A few years after their friendship blossomed into a one-sided moirallegiance, he found it harder and harder to breathe underwater. He had assumed his asthma simply got worse, so he never got it checked out. It was, of course, extremely hard to cough up anything underwater. It was also extremely hard to use an inhaler underwater too. He had started to distance himself from her, afraid of what might happen. He stopped being in the water as often as he was.

Feferi worried about his prolonged absence from the water, of course she did. It was what moirails were meant to do, worry for their partner. But he didn’t think she felt pale for him, he thought she felt sorry for him. To a young Eridan, this was truly the worst fate.

Because he was on land more often, he noticed that it wasn’t his asthma that had gotten worse. It was something else. His chest was tight, and he found himself coughing petals. Chrysanthemums and Carnations, though he couldn’t tell that at the time. They were yellow in colour, and most of them had a weird line pattern on the petals. He had no idea what was happening to him, or why it was happening.

He looked it up, and found it was a disease of unrequited love. He went on to read stories about happy endings, about how people got this disease, and the recipient of their affections felt the same way and finally got together. He got on a high; maybe Fef’ll love him back, and the flowers will go away and they’ll be flush together forever. Eridan’s young naivety got the better of him.

But then he got worried. He worried that if he told her about the flowers he’d been coughing up she’d actually fall _pale_ for him, or worse, fall out of love entirely. He couldn’t tell her about the flowers, so he never. To her face and over a chat client he had blamed it on his asthma. Told her that he couldn’t stay underwater long because his asthma had become worse. She seemed saddened by that.

To this day she doesn’t know what actually happened. He never told her that he wasn’t completely truthful about that.

He simply avoided the problem like the plague until it got worse. _Really_ worse. He knew flowers meant something, and when it got to the point that he could basically be coughing up a bouquet he thought he might need a little help from someone who knew the language of the flowers. Like a friend he met through a forum on fashion, a budding florist apparently, who he soon became good friends with. He had dubbed her GA. He begged her to come over, under a guise of picking the right flowers _for_ a bouquet. He couldn’t tell her what was actually happening over the client. She wouldn’t have come over if he had, he thought.

She did come over though, and Eridan explained to her what was happening. She gave a sorry looking smile, before diagnosing what the flowers were (Yellow Chrysanthemums and Striped Carnations), and telling him what they meant. He would always remember what she said to him, always have it engraved onto his heart forever.

“Well, whomever you are feeling an unrequited love for does not love you back, I am afraid,” She said to him, forlorn.

He was fucked.

“Oh.” And he wished that was all that could have been said. In fact, that _was_ all that he said.

Mainly because he ended up choking on some flowers and had an asthma attack at the same time.

It wasn’t exactly what one would call a fun time.

But GA helped him stop choking and grabbed his inhaler for him, which he used very,  _very_ liberally. So he didn’t die, but he felt as though he wanted to. He didn’t know what else to do; a world without Fef was just unthinkable for him. But she would never love him back. She would reject his love. He couldn’t take the rejection. He wouldn’t, he’d react so badly that Fef’ll never want to speak to him ever again. He was destined to live alone forever, obviously, since the only person he loved would never love him back, and would in fact reject him.

“I can’t take it, she’ll say she doesn’t like me like that, and I’ll take it badly and throw a tantrum and she’ll never talk to me again and-”

GA told him that there were other ways to get rid of it. Eridan never knew that. How could it have been possible?

“Look, there is a way to remove the disease surgically…” She started, and proceeded to talk about the process of it; how there were only 2 known cures for the disease known scientifically as Hanahaki Disease. He asked if he had charmed Fef into liking him, would that have worked in removing them, to which GA said it would not have, as he knew it wasn’t true. The flowers knew, after all, and now so did he. She had a point.

There was a catch though, a catch she wasn’t sure he would take fondly.

If he got the flowers removed surgically, he’d never feel love for her again.

He coughed up some more flowers. He took another puff of his inhaler. This love _hurts._ It _hurts_ and it doesn’t _feel like love._ It’s the worst kind of love, especially since he knows there’s nothing he can do. Well, there was things he could do. Three, to be exact. He could either die of loneliness, heartbreak, and asphyxiation via choking on leaves that say she didn’t love him, ask her out just for her to reject him, never speak to him again and lead into death by asphyxiation etc., or remove the disease, never feel love for her again, but still have contact with her. Still be her friend.

Really there was only one choice. The obvious one.

He’d get it surgically removed, and never tell Feferi what truly had happened. Really, it was the only way out of it. GA agreed, it was the right choice.

He’d rather feel nothing at all than never see her again.

One operation disguised as ‘an op to help fix my asthma’ later and he was rid of the flowers that choked him up. Rid of the feelings that he loved so much.

He couldn’t have known that people were going to attempt to assassinate Feferi the entire time he was away from her. But they tried anyway. He was blamed for not protecting her, and he couldn’t tell the truth about where he was, or why he was missing from his line of duty as a moirail and impromptu bodyguard. If Feferi had known he loved her… he couldn’t live with himself.

So he lied.

He swore on an oath, and lied about everything. Well, mostly everything. He tried to convince the court that he purposely left her on her own, and made her look like a target. For bettering her strength, or something of the like. He messed around with her, didn’t take her diamond quadrant seriously, and he knew he did wrong.

If the court had their way, he would have been executed. Feferi convinced the court to exile him on account of his abilities in magic.

It was then that he gave up on life. He made a promise to her that he’d do whatever he could to make it up to her, for him being an absolute ass, so long as they’d still get to be friends. She had agreed to this promise.

A few years later he introduced GA to Fef. Their relationship was perfect. He was just happy he was able to witness it.

His flushed love for her was removed, but a friendship had grown in its place. Not pale, though, never pale. Like siblings, in a way, he just wanted to see her happy. And with Kan, she was.

“And in the end, it doesn’t matter what the fuck happens to me. So long as Fef’s happy, that’s all I care about.” Eridan finished. He wish he had made himself some more tea. That explanation took longer than he’d thought it’d take.

Well, at least his two visitors look agape in disbelief.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update because hey this had already been written but I forgot about it whOOPS.

The two visitors stared at Eridan. “So… Hanahaki exists?” Equius finally said, after the long pause.

“Yeah it exists,” Eridan confirmed.

Terezi cheered, “I _fucking_ knew it!! You owe me like 20 bucks, Equius.” She said. Equius sighed, before handing over the money. Huh, they had actually placed bets on it.

“So… Can I finally ask a question?” Eridan asked. The two nodded. “Why did you come over here in the first place?”

Terezi grinned, and Equius shrugged. From that, Eridan deduced that Terezi was the only one with the answer to this.

“Well Eridan, we need to discuss how to get my moirail and your friend out of this situation the best we can without either breaking them up or killing them. Thus the double suicide plot.”

“The _what?”_ Equius yelped, shocked.

Terezi cackled, “The double suicide plot. It’s a plot that I’ve been coming up with since I was flying over here. It’s not like they’re actually going to die, because it’s all fake. It’s literally just a ploy to get the kingdoms to stop fighting and join forces, or something. Probably because their heirs have gotten killed. Think Rohmeo and Juliet.” She explained, “However it’s all fake, obviously. It’s why I brought Equius along in the first place.”

“Wait, what?” Equius blanched.

“I’m lost, Ter,” Eridan said. Terezi ignored both of them, rolling her eyes.

“Because, Equius here knows a guy,”

“Oooh,” Eridan understood now. Equius was still confused. He asked what she meant.

“You know, the potions dealer?” Terezi clarified.

“Oh, him.” Equius understood now, “Well, getting him to help won’t be easy.”

“Huh?” Eridan said.

"Yeah, what’s that mean?” Terezi asked. She was sure her plan was fool proof, despite never meeting said potions dealer face to face.

“Simple. It won’t be easy because of two things. Him,” He pointed at Eridan, “And the fact he has the attention span of a baby goat.”

“Why do I make it hard?” Eridan asked, offended. 

Equius face palmed. “Because he’s trying to _befriend_ you, you dense turd!” He grated out from under his hands.

“Wait, Blueberry you never said that-”

“Look, he’s a capricious guy with the attention span of a newt, and he’s on a mission to befriend Eridan here; that’s where all his focus is at the moment. So, either Eridan befriends him and we all go about our journeys with his help, or we don’t get his help at all and we watch them both die of loneliness because they’re banned from seeing each other.”

“I didn’t realise you cared about the lucky couple, Eq,” Eridan muttered. Equius shrugged.

"I never said I did, I just don’t want anyone to die lonely and confused and upset. It’s never a nice thing to think about. I am on a mission to help every Prospitian, and if I help a Dersite on my way, then so be it.”

“That’s fair logic,” Eridan agreed, reluctantly.

Terezi grinned. “So, you’re going to be friends with the weirdo across the waves?” She asked Eridan.

Eridan gave a heavy sigh. “Ugh, fine, I have no other choice, do I?” He said. Terezi jumped for joy. Equius was still quiet, however.

“Sweet!” Terezi cackled.

“Well, there is something else that you should know about him,” He muttered. This gained him curious looks from both Eridan _and_ Terezi.

“What’s that?” She asked, and Eridan nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, what?”

Equius sighed, “He… You might recognise him from. From the past. He doesn’t want to go back, and you mustn’t say I told you because he _will_ chastise me greatly, and I do not want to get chastised for telling you both about what-”

“Get to the point, Bubble-gum.”

“Fine. My potion-making, airheaded, dimwit of a friend is known as Gamzee Makara and he’s the Runaway Heir of Prospit.”

“Wait, _WHAT??”_ Eridan yelped.

 _“OH MY GOD!?”_ Terezi screamed.

Equius jumped at the two yelling, and covered his ears. “Please stop yelling. It’s too loud to deal with,” He muttered. The two apologised.

“But seriously, why didn’t you tell me?” Terezi asked, “If we bring the kid back, Miss Minty won’t be the Heir and she’d be able to abandon her place to be with Feferi-”

“No.” Equius stated, firm, “I just told you he doesn’t want that. I will not force him to do something that he doesn’t want to do. I told him when I met up with him after his escape that I wouldn’t let anyone force him to go back home.” He sighed. “Besides if I had to pick a leader, I would pick _literally anyone but him._ Him? _Leading??”_ He visibly shuddered, then sighed.

“God, we would all _die._ He can just barely keep one trail of thought intact, he talks in literal spirals, and gosh. I wouldn’t want him in power at all, I assure you. It’s far too much pressure for him. You’ll agree when you meet him. We have to meet him. If you want this plan of yours to work, we’ll need to meet him, then the people taking the ‘drugs’ will need to meet him. _Meaning,_ we would need to tell the lucky couple all about your plan in the first place.” Equius said.

Terezi huffed a sigh. “Fine, we’ll tell them first. Then we talk to Equius’s pal, who shall remain unnamed for privacy purposes,” She winked, and Equius gave her a thumbs up, “So… How’re we going about this?”

The trio spoke at length about their plan, the possible limitations and how exactly they would go about it. The plan needed to be planned well enough for it to be viable and understandable to all three of them. They finally settled on a multi-stage plan. Terezi insisted that they use Stages. Because ‘stage’ sounded cooler, obviously. Eridan agreed, so Equius sighed and wrote it down as the title.

_Rohmeo and Juliet: Part two - IT’S GAY, FOLKS. The multi-stage plan to get the Heiresses together, and as far away from their respective kingdoms as possible so as to not be suspicious, because they’re supposed to end up dead._

_STEP 1 - Contact. Contains Three Simultaneous Stages. Stage one: Contact Potions Master [REDACTED]. Stage two: Contact Kanaya. Stage three: Contact Feferi._

“So, That’s Step one. Equius, you handle Makara. I’ll handle Kanaya, and Eridan will handle Feferi. Is that ok for everyone?” Terezi, acting as the leader of the group, asked. There was no reply, so she read that as no one had any issues. Good, as expected. She told Equius to note it down as to who was doing what, which he successfully annotated.

_STEP 2: Gathering. Contains Two Stages, possibly also simultaneous. Stage one: Get the lucky couple in the same area as each other. Stage two: Bring everyone to the beach where Potions Master Makara lives, if possible._

“This Step is a lot more complicated…” Terezi muttered.

“What if they wish to get married?” Equius asked.

“Who’s said anythin’ about marriage?” Eridan interjected.

 Equius said, “Well, I am already ordained, so if they want to-”

“Wait,” Terezi also interjected, _“Why_ are you ordained?”

He shrugged, “Well, what if a couple wants to get married immediately and there isn’t a minister available or in reach? You never know, after all,” He tried to explain.

“Who even thinks about that?” Eridan asked.

“Well I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing once I had the thought. So I got myself ordained and now can officiate a wedding.” Equius stated.

“Well, that’s good to know,” Terezi said, writing it down messily on the plan board. “If they want to get married we won’t have to worry about finding a minister, especially if it’s a flash wedding.”

Soon enough, the three finally had the perfect plan. They had their roles, they just needed to begin Step one of the multi-stage plan.

It had just begun.


	8. Chapter 8

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --

GA: Feferi  
CC: Kanaya!  
CC: <3  
GA: <3  
GA: How Was Your Day  
CC: Stressful!  
CC: And you?  
GA: I Am Afraid That I Have To Agree With That Sentiment  
GA: There Was A  
GA: Gathering Of Sorts  
GA: And I Am Afraid To Say That My Moirail Caused Quite A Stir  
GA: By Burning Down The Dinner Platter And Flying Away With Myself In Tow  
CC: O)( God!  
CC: Are you ok?  
GA: Hahahaha  
GA: I Am Fine You Neednt Worry  
GA: My Moirail Had Me In Safe Hands  
GA: She Flew Us Over To A Garden I Go To When I Feel Stressed Out  
GA: It Is A Safe Place Of Sorts  
GA: Honestly She Did The Right Thing  
GA: I Was So Incredibly Bored  
CC: O)(, gos)(!  
CC: So you certainly )(ad an eventful day, didn’t you?  
GA: That I Did  
GA: Every Day Is A Learning Day  
GA: Or So They Say  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(y do you say t)(at?  
GA: Well  
GA: I Understand You Keeping A Guise Of Secrecy  
CC: Secrecy?  
GA: However  
GA: While I Knew You Were A Dersite From Our Face To Face Meeting  
GA: I Had No Idea You Were The Princess Of Derse  
CC: O)(.  
CC: )(onestly, Kanaya, I wanted to tell you! Truly I did!  
CC: But -  
GA: Feferi Please  
GA: I Understand  
GA: Really  
GA: Ive Been Hiding Something From You Too  
CC: O)(?  
CC: God, Kanaya I’m so sorry for not telling you-  
GA: Im Known To Some As The Princess Of Prospit  
CC:  
CC: I  
CC: W)(at?  
GA: Its True Unfortunately  
GA: Hahaha  
CC: 38?  
GA: It Was An Unintentional Fish Pun   
GA: Unfor Tuna Te  
CC: O)(!!  
CC: 38D  
CC: T)(ats a good one!  
GA: Heres Another  
GA: In Trench Ional Pun  
CC: !  
CC: !!  
CC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A!!!!  
CC: KANAYA, YOU’R-----E KILLING M------E!!!!  
GA: Oh No  
GA: I Wouldnt Want That  
GA: That Is Exactly The Opposite Of What I Would Want  
GA: Anyway Getting Back To Being Serious  
GA: I Understand Why You Couldnt Tell Me  
GA: Because Quite Frankly I Am Under The Same Circumstances  
CC: Gos)(, Kanaya.  
CC: I mean, w)(at are t)(e odds, )(onestly?  
CC: 38P  
CC: I mean, t)(is probably would be written down in )(istory if people knew.  
CC: T)(oug)(, I dont t)(ink my mot)(er would take too kindly to us being in a relations)(ip...  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Dont Know How My Father Would Think About It  
GA: I Can Never Get A Good Read Off Of Him  
GA: He Is Rather Capricious After All  
CC: Is your dad nice?  
GA: Well He Has Always Been Good To Me  
GA: And Your Mother  
GA: Was She Always Good To You  
GA: ?  
CC: To me?  
CC: Yea)( I mean  
CC: I t)(ink so?  
CC: Yea)(, s)(e’s always been good to me... until our inevitable fig)(t to t)(e deat)( for leaders)(ip. W)(ic)( )(asn’t )(appened _yet,_ of course.  
CC: But t)(at’s not )(er, t)(at’s just being a Siren - And a Royal one at t)(at. It’s just in our nature!  
GA: Oh Dear Lord  
CC: It’s... it’s just a t)(ing t)(at )(appens wit)( every royal Siren I assume.  
GA: I Would Hate To Be In Your Shoes  
GA: All I Have Is Preparations To Become The Next Ruler  
GA: Basically A Very Boring Party  
GA: Which Happens Every Single Month  
CC: Wow, BORING!  
GA: I Know Right  
GA: Its Not His Fault Though Honestly  
GA: He Hates It Too  
GA: Its The Governing Bodies Which Convinced Him To Go Though With The Constant Preparations  
GA: I Think He Liked The Fact That This Recent Party Literally Went Down In Flames  
CC: O)(?   
CC: )(ow do you know?  
GA: He Told Me To Thank Terezi Personally For Using  
GA: And I Quote  
GA: THEM SICK FIRES SHE BROUGHT WITH HER ON THE MOTHER FUCKING PARTY; SHIT BE ALL KINDS OF MOTHERFUCKING LIT I TELL A MOTHERFUCKER NOW >:oP  
GA: For The Record I Still Dont Know How He Vocalised The Emoticon And Quite Frankly I Dont Want To Know  
CC: O)(, wow.  
CC: Is )(e always so up front?  
GA: Yes  
CC: God I wis)( my Mom was like t)(at, o)( my God t)(ings would be SO MUC)( ----EASI---ER!!!  
CC: S)(e always talks around t)(ings, s)(e’s never clear about ANYT)(ING!!!!!  
GA: Oh Wow  
GA: I Always Saw Him As Too Clear  
GA: He Means Well But He Really Doesnt Know How To Take Sarcasm Any Way Other Than Literally  
GA: I Think My Constant Sarcasm Grates On His Nerves Honestly  
GA: Or He Likes My Constant Sarcasm  
GA: Honestly The Man Really Is Difficult To Get A Proper Read On With His Feelings  
GA: I Know I Cant Figure Him Out Anyway  
GA: Despite How Transparent He Is  
GA: It Really  
GA: Gets On My Nerves Sometimes  
CC: I t)(ink I would get along well wit)( your Dad  
CC: And you’d get along well wit)( my Mom  
CC: Man, if you could breat)(e underwater we could TOTALLY do a swapsies  
GA: A What  
CC: A swapsies!  
CC: Like t)(e Prince and t)(e Pauper Series  
CC: W)(ere t)(e Prince lives like a Pauper, and t)(e Pauper like a Prince for a few days  
CC: Or like WifeSwap  
CC: PRINC----ESS SWAP!!!!!  
GA: What Are We  
GA: A Reality Tv Show Series  
CC: )(onestly Kanaya?   
CC: I would watc)( t)(e S)(IT out of it.  
CC: But it’s kind of )(OP--EL--ESS realistically, because you can’t even BR-EAT)(-E underwater in t)(e first place!!  
CC: <3  
GA: Hahaha I Suppose So  
GA: <3  
GA: So Theres My Secret Out  
GA: And Yours Too For That Matter  
CC: Yep!  
GA: So  
GA: Will Anything Change  
GA: Between Us  
CC: You mean _ot)(er_ t)(an our already forbidden love being even MOR-E forbidden?  
GA: Yes That  
CC: )(mmmmm...  
CC: Nope!  
CC: I see no c)(ange between t)(e two of us!  
CC: We’re clean sailing for t)(e rest of t)(is voyage 38)  
CC: And )(opefully, t)(e rest of our lives, too!  
GA: Though I Do Hold Hope That One Day Our Love Wont Be A Secret Between Us And A Select Few Others  
GA: It Would Be Saddening  
GA: And Rather Tiring Honestly  
CC: Blu)(, I )(ave to AGR-E-E on t)(at one...  
CC: Tiring as )(ell!  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Oh  
GA: Oh Terezis Contacting Me  
GA: I Best Leave On That Note  
CC: -Eridan’s contacting me too, so I’ll go too.  
CC: Talk to you soon, Kanaya!  
CC: <3  
GA: And You To Feferi  
GA: <3 

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! –-

* * *

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]! --

CT: D --> Hello, Makara  
TC: WoAh, HoLy FuCk!  
CT: D --> How are you today  
CT: D --> ?  
TC: BrO i AiN’t TaLkEd At YoU iN a LoNg TiMe.  
CT: D --> We spoke literally yesterday  
TC: AnD tHaT iS a HeLl Of A lOnG tImE!  
TC: LiKe YoOoOoO.  
TC: TiMe FlIeS sLoWlY wHeN yOu GoT nObOdY tAlK tO, yA gEt Me?  
TC: AnD yOu NeVeR gEt YoUr TaLk On At Me On YoUr OwN aCcOrDiOn, So ThIs Is A mOtHeRfUcKiNg ShOt In ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg DaRk.  
TC: OuT oF nOwHeRe, OnE mIgHt SuGgEsT.  
TC: :oI  
CT: D --> Why do I admit that I know you   
TC: YoU tElL pEoPlE aBoUt Me?  
TC: :oD  
TC: BrO...  
TC: :'oD  
TC: I’m CrYiNg, BrO.  
TC: I’m CrYiNg TeArS oF jOy.   
CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> There are some people I w001d like you to meet  
CT: D --> They are nice, I assure you  
TC: WaIt, ArE yOu GiViNg Me FrIeNdS!?  
TC: :oD  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> Yes Makara, I am  
CT: D --> And I quote  
CT: D --> “Giving you friends”  
CT: D --> Friends like, for e%ample  
CT: D --> The one who you keep sending an inane number of Faygo bottles to  
TC: _GaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaSp??????!!_  
TC: :oO  
TC: YoU kNoW hIm??  
CT: D --> I met him earlier today, but I suppose we are on knowing terms  
CT: D --> So yes  
CT: D --> I know him  
TC: MiRaClEs.  
TC: MoThEr. FuCkInG. mIrAcLeS.  
CT: D --> Not really  
TC: YeS, rEaLlY.  
TC: YoU cAn’T dIsPrOvE tHe ScIeNcE bRo.  
TC: It’S sCiEnCe!  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> It’s not science  
CT: D --> ‘Miracles’ are not science  
TC: HoW dO yOu KnOw, HuH?  
TC: ThAt’S rIgHt, YoU dOn’T.  
TC: BeCaUsE iT’s ScIeNcE.  
TC: AnD tHaT’s ThAt.  
TC: PbBbBbTh.  
TC: :oP  
CT: D --> Why do I talk to you on a reg001ar basis  
CT: D --> Why  
TC: CaUuUuUuUuUuSe YoU lIkE mE? :oD  
CT: D --> Unfortunately  
CT: D --> I do, yes  
CT: D --> Well, I tolerate you at least  
TC: ThAt’S gOoD eNoUgH fOr Me!  
TC: :oDDDDDDDDD  
TC: YoU’vE nEvEr SaId YoU lIkEd Me BeFoRe.  
TC: ThAt’S sO nIcE oF yOu.  
TC: HoNeStLy, I’m TeArInG uP hErE, bRo.  
TC: GoOd BrO.  
TC: BeSt FrIeNd.  
CT: D --> You are a%ually the bane of my e%istance  
CT: D --> You know this, right  
TC: :'o)  
TC: YoU tElL mE tHaT eVeRy TiMe We AlL gEt OuR tAlK oN.  
TC: ... HaVe I dOnE sOmEtHiNg WrOnG?  
CT: D --> Well, no  
CT: D --> You just kind of are the bane of my e%istance  
TC: :o(  
TC: BrO...  
TC: ThAt’S rEaLlY uNcOoL.  
TC: ReAlLy HaRsHiNg My SiCkNaStY mElLoW. :o(  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I Feel like I am  
CT: D --> Being a  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I feel like I am being a Jerk  
CT: D --> Sorry  
TC: YoU aRe BeInG a MoThEr FuCkInG jErK.  
TC: >:o/  
CT: D --> Well I apologise for that  
CT: D --> Tr001y  
TC: It’S oKaY, i DoN’t AcTuAlLy CaRe.  
CT: D --> Wh  
TC: HaHaHa, If I wAs AbLe To SeE yOuR fAcE i WoUlD sAy ‘ThE lOoK oN yOuR fAcE’, oR sOmEtHiNg :oP  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I canter believe  
TC: Oh My GoD.  
CT: D --> I mean cannot  
TC: _Oh My GoD._  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Do not say a single word  
TC: BuT iT’s So CuTe.  
CT: D --> No!  
TC: BuT lOoK aT yOu!  
TC: YoU’rE mAkInG aLl ThEsE mOtHeR fUcKiNg HoRsE pUnS.  
CT: D --> Stop!  
CT: D --> It was _one_ stupid pun!  
TC: _BuT iT’s So CuTe!_  
CT: D --> Great  
CT: D --> Now I have forgotten the reason why I contacted you in the first place!  
TC: WaIt, YoU hAd A rEaSoN?  
TC: I tHoUgHt YoU jUsT wAnTeD tO tAlK.  
TC: AwW.  
TC: :o(  
CT: D --> You can’t make me sad because of this  
CT: D --> You already know that it’s highly unlikely that I contact anyone out of the b100 without a reason  
CT: D --> Even you  
TC: OkAy, ThAt’S tRuE.  
TC: I wAs JuSt MeSsInG aRoUnD aNyWaY.  
CT: D --> You were not  
TC: OkAy FaIr, BuT i’M a LoNeLy MoThEr FuCkEr.  
CT: D --> I’m sorry, but you brought that upon yourself  
TC: OkAy FaIr.  
TC: AnYtHiNg I cAn Do To JoG yOuR mOtHeR fUcKiNg MeMoRy GeArS sO yOu CaN gEt YoUr ReMeMbEr On AgAiN?  
CT: D --> I am not sure  
TC: Oh No.  
TC: ThErE’s A pArAsItE rAt OuTsIdE mY dOoR.  
CT: D --> That does not help  
TC: GoTtA gEt My MoThEr FuCkInG bAt AnD mOtHeR fUcKiNg BaT iT aWa-  
TC:   
TC: FDAJLKFDDKSDLFDSSD;  
TC: OH MY GOD  
TC: _OH MY GOD??!_  
TC: _***EUGH!!!!***_  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> What happened  
TC: BrB.  
CT: D --> But what happened  
TC: LoOk I’lL gEt InTo It WhEn I gEt BaCk.  
CT: D --> But 

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] is idle! --

* * *

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]! --

GC: H3Y K4N4Y4  
GC: M1NTY FR3SH  
GA: Hello Terezi  
GA: How Have You Been  
GC: GOOD!  
GC: PR3TTY GOOD 1ND33D  
GC: THOUGH 1 DO N33D TO T4LK TO YOU 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG  
GA: Oh  
GA: About What  
GC: W3LL   
GC: YOU KNOW HOW YOUR3 1N 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH TH3 PR1NC3SS OF D3RS3  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Am Dating Feferi  
GA: And You Are The One Who Told Me That She Was Royalty   
GC: Y3AH  
GC: SO   
GC: YOU W4NT TO B3 W1TH H3R FOR L1K3  
GC: TH3 R3ST OF YOUR L1F3 R1GHT?  
GA: What  
GA: I Mean Yes I Would Like Our Relationship To No Longer Be Secret  
GA: But Are You Saying I Should Propose To Her  
GA: I Dont Even Have A Ring Terezi  
GA: And What Minister Would Administer A Wedding Between A Prospitian And A Dersite  
GC: W  
GC: WH  
GC: OK4Y 1) 1 W4S NOT T4LK1NG 4BOUT M4RR14G3 4ND 2) 1 KNOW SOM3ON3 WHO 1S ORD41N3D SO DONT WORRY 4BOUT TH4T 1F YOU W4NT TO G3T M4RR13D 1MM3D14T3LY OR SOM3TH1NG  
GA: Oh  
GA: Then  
GA: What Were You Talking About  
GA: ?  
GC: R3M3MB3R WH3N 1 S41D YOU COULD 4B4NDON YOUR PL4C3 ON TH3 THRON3?  
GC: WH4T 1F F3F3R1 D1D TH3 S4M3  
GC: 4ND YOU TWO 3LOP3D  
GA: We Would Get Caught In No Time At All  
GA: Honestly Terezi I Know You Want To Help But That Plan Would Never Work In A Million Years  
GC: NOT 1F 3V3RYON3 THOUGHT YOU TWO W3R3 D34D  
GA: Are  
GA: Are You Suggesting What I Think You Are Suggesting  
GC: >;]  
GC: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK  
GA: No  
GA: We Are Not Rohmeo And Juliet  
GA: This Isnt A Reality Tv Show Terezi  
GA: We Will Not Rohmeo And Juliet Our Way Out Of This Situation  
GA: Besides Both Of Them Actually Die In The End  
GC: 3X4CTLY  
GC: WH1CH 1S WHY 1TS P3RF3CT  
GC: 4N 1RL ROHM3O 4ND JUL13T STORY PL4Y 1N 4CT1ON  
GA: Oh Really  
GA: And How Are We Supposed To Fake Our Own Deaths Then  
GA: Have You Thought Of That  
GC: 1 H4V3 4 FR13ND  
GC: WHO KNOWS 4 GUY  
GA: Really  
GA: You Have A Friend Who Knows A Guy  
GA: I Dont Trust It  
GC: DO YOU TRUST M3  
GA: What  
GC: DO YOU TRUST M3?  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well Of Course I Do  
GC: TH3N TRUST M3 ON TH1S  
GC: 1 H4V3 4 PL4N 4ND 1 KNOW 1T W1LL WORK  
GC: PL34S3  
GA: Well Youve Never Led Me Wrong Before  
GA: But I Think I Would Miss My Parents  
GC: M4YB3 1T W1LL G3T TH3M TO STOP F1GHT1NG 34CH OTH3R 4ND WORK TOG3TH3R  
GA: Hmm  
GA: I Suppose You Have A Point There  
GA: Okay  
GA: I Trust You On This  
GC: >:]  
GC: M33T M3 1N TH3 P4L4C3 G4RD3NS TOMORROW MORN1NG OK4Y  
GA: Will Do  
GA: <>  
GC: <>   
GA: Sleep Well Okay  
GC: YOU TOO M1NTY FR3SH

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]! --

* * *

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] is no longer idle! --

TC: OkAy, I’m BaCk.  
CT: D --> I’ve been on the edge of my seat wondering what had happened  
TC: FuCk.  
TC: I fOrGoT tHaT i WaS aVoIdInG tElLiNg YoU tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg TiDbIt Of InFoRmAtIoN.  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> Wait, what  
CT: D --> You were purposefully withholding information from me?  
TC: YeAh BrO.  
TC: ShOcKeD mUcH?  
CT: D --> I’m merely surprised you were a%ually capable of doing such a thing  
CT: D --> And not blabbing about it  
TC: I mUsT hAvE cAuSeD a _StIrRuP_ fOr YoU tHeN  
CT: D --> _You did NOT_  
TC: ;o)  
CT: D --> To both things  
CT: D --> You did not cause a stirr-  
CT: D --> A Stir up  
CT: D --> And you did not just make a horse pun in mockery of me  
TC: Do:  
TC: BrO...  
TC: I’d NeVeR mOcK yOu, EsPeCiAlLy NoT tO yOuR fAcE.  
TC: I wAs MaKiNg A jOkE.  
TC: BeCaUsE yOu GoNe AnD dId ThAt AdOrAbLe MoThEr FuCkInG pUn, BrO.  
CT: D --> It was not ‘adorable’  
TC: It WaS _sO_ aDoRaBlE.  
TC: BeCaUsE i SaId So.  
TC: PbBtH.  
TC: :oP  
CT: D --> Ugh  
CT: D --> Cease the unnecessary distractions  
CT: D --> What happened with the Parasite Rat  
TC: FiNe.  
TC: BuT dOn’T sAy I aIn’T wArNeD yOu, BeCaUsE a MoThEr FuCkEr DiD.  
TC: It ExPlOdEd.  
CT: D --> W  
CT: D --> _Wh_  
TC: It ExPlOdEd In FrOnT oF mY dOoR, tHeRe WeRe GuTs EvErYwHeRe AnD iT _sTuNk_ AnD i WaS sIcK lIkE _tHrEe WhOlE tImEs._  
TC: I wAs ClEaNiNg It Up, WhIcH wAs WhY i WaS gOnE fOr So LoNg.  
CT: D --> _Oh my God_  
CT: D --> I’m going to  
CT: D --> I will be right back

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] is idle! --

* * *

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --

CA: hey fef  
CC: )(i!  
CC: )(ow’s it been, -Eridan?  
CA: oh not so bad  
CA: pretty good honestly  
CC: But...  
CC: You N--EV--ER contact me out of your own will.  
CC: Not since after t)(e trial, anyway.  
CC: So I )(ave to say, t)(is is really out of t)(e blue!  
CA: huh  
CA: suppose it is a little  
CA: but i dont personally think so  
CA: youre alwways too busy to talk anywway lately  
CC: I’m sorry, -Eridan.  
CC: But it’s not my fault!  
CA: nevver said it wwas fef  
CA: nevver said it wwas  
CA: anywway i do havve a reason  
CA: its mainly about kan  
CA: do you knoww that shes the princess a prospit  
CC: I do actually.  
CC: S)(e told me just now!  
CC: S)(e found out I was t)(e Princess of Derse so s)(e told me about )(erself being t)(e Princess of Prospit.  
CC: Seariously, w)(at are t)(e odds!!  
CA: yeah  
CA: odds  
CA: im glad you knoww noww though  
CA: i only just found out myself honestly  
CC: O)(?  
CC: W)(o told you?  
CA: remember all them years ago  
CA: back wwhen i wwas invvolvved in flarpin  
CC: Wait, you’re FLARPing again?  
CC: 38/  
CA: wwhat  
CA: no  
CA: im not  
CA: trust me im not  
CA: anywway as i wwas sayin  
CA: back wwhen i wwas flarpin i met ter  
CA: and ter wwas a pretty cool girl  
CA: smart an scary  
CA: a hellish combo for a flarp persona but she really is a hellish girl anywway  
CA: swweet though  
CA: she alwways means wwell  
CA: ANYWWAY  
CA: i kneww her from flarpin and shes the one wwho told me  
CA: there  
CC: )(ow does ‘Ter’ know Kanaya?  
CA: ters protectin the princess a prospit  
CA: an also her moirail  
CC: Is s)(e part flying animal or somet)(ing???  
CA: shes a dragon shapeshifter fef  
CC: O)(.  
CC: Okay I respect )(er.  
CA: i told ya shes scary but she alwways means wwell  
CA: anywway  
CA: speakin a ter  
CA: im on a multi stage mission wwith her  
CC: I dont know if I like t)(e sound of t)(is.  
CA: trust me ya wwill  
CA: okay  
CA: consider this  
CA: you and kan elope  
CA: but wwith a twwist  
CC: W)(at  
CC: -Eridan, w)(at t)(e fuck.  
CC: W)(at are you even suggesting?  
CA: fef im talkin the most romantic shit  
CA: ill evven drop my quirk if you wwant me to  
CA: to provve im bein serious  
CA: in fact  
CA: im being completely serious right now  
CA: thats how serious im being  
CC: O)( my  
CC: Eridan!  
CC: I dropped mine too because this really IS serious!   
CC: I didnt even make a pun, either.  
CA: ok but can i regain my quirk cause this feels a _LITTLE BIT WEIRD._  
CC: 38P Okay.  
CC: S)(oot!  
CA: okay so  
CA: in the most romantic bullshit plot twwist evver made  
CA: you and kan elope  
CA: but your respectivve kingdoms wwill think you died  
CA: cause of the wwar separatin you both or somethin shit like that  
CA: look it be super realistic or somethin  
CA: and sad  
CA: people wwill cry fef  
CA: but you wwont actually like  
CA: you knoww  
CA: die  
CA: cause you an kan wwill be far awway or somethin  
CC: -Eridan.  
CC: I dont want to rain on your parade or anyt)(ing.  
CC: Especially because I can tell t)(at you’ve put a lot of t)(oug)(t into t)(is!  
CC: And it is R-E-ELY romantic!  
CA: but  
CC: -Eridan )(ow are t)(ey supposed to t)(ink we’re dead if t)(ere isnt a body?  
CA:  
CA:  
CA: _FUCK_  
CC: We can figure it out!  
CA: yeah  
CA: anywway are you free tomorroww mornin  
CC: Y-EP!  
CA: meet up wwith me at my ship  
CA: that alright  
CC: It s)(ould be!  
CC: I s)(ould get some s)(ut eye now, t)(oug)(, okay?  
CA: yeah  
CA: you got a big day tomorroww i think  
CA: meetin up wwith me  
CA: and shit  
CC: 38P  
CC: See you!  
CA: bye

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --

* * *

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] is no longer idle! –-

CT: D --> Okay, I’m back  
CT: D --> Apologies  
TC: YoU tHrEw Up DiDn’T yOu?  
CT: D --> Uh  
TC: FuCkInG kNeW iT.  
TC: I wArNeD yOu BrO!  
TC: I dId!!  
CT: D --> I’m sorry  
TC: AwW bRo.  
TC: DoN’t GeT yOuR aPoLoGiSe On!  
TC: I bE oNlY pLaYiNg Ya.  
TC: PuLlInG tHe MyThIcAl MoThEr FuCkInG sTrInGs On ThE pUpPeT oF fAtE.  
TC: YoU gEtTiNg Me?  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I think so  
CT: D --> I still cannot remember why I contacted you in the first place though  
TC: I kNoW yOu Be AlL mEnTiOnInG sOmEtHiNg AlL oN aBoUt GiViNg SoMe MoThEr FuCkEr A bAtCh Of MoThEr FuCkInG fRiEnDs.  
TC: :o)  
CT: D --> A batch of mother f  
CT: D --> OH  
TC: No CoNtInUe CoPyInG wHaT i TyPeD.  
TC: DoN’t StOp At ThE f.  
CT: D --> I am stopping at the ‘f’ just to spite you, now  
CT: D --> Also, yes  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> I think I remember now  
CT: D --> What I wanted to say  
CT: D --> Basically  
CT: D --> I need a favour  
CT: D --> And I am offering you friends for this favour  
TC: Do I gEt To KeEp ThEm?  
CT: D --> What  
TC: ThE fRiEnDs.  
TC: Do I gEt To KeEp ThEm?  
CT: D --> What do you mean by keep  
CT: D --> ?  
TC: LiKe, Y’kNoW.  
TC: YoU’rE gIvInG mE yOuR fRiEnDs, So LiKe.  
TC: CaN i KeEp ThEm As My FrIeNdS?  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> Oh my God  
CT: D --> I mean, yes I think  
CT: D --> But you can’t like  
CT: D --> Keep them in your home forever  
TC: MoThEr FuCk, ThAt’S eXaCtLy WhAt I wAs HoPiNg FoR.  
CT: D --> Makara, you can’t just unwillingly keep people in your hive  
TC: OkAy, 1) I wAs LeGiT bEiNg SaRcAsTiC.  
TC: 2) I aIn’T dOiNg AnYtHiNg UnWiLlInGlY.  
CT: D --> Well, I mean  
CT: D --> Or, I meant  
CT: D --> Ugh  
CT: D --> I meant that the people you would be theoretically keeping in your hive would be there unwillingly  
TC: BrO, i’M nOt GoInG tO kIdNaP yOuR fUcKiNg FrIeNdS.  
TC: I’m NoT sOmE kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiNg KiDnApPiNg PsYcHoPaTh Or SoMe MoThErFuCkInG sHiT aNd HoLd ThEm AlL uP fOr MoThErFuCkInG rAnSoM.  
TC: LiKe SoMe FuCk LiKe:  
TC: YeAh MoThErFuCkEr YoU cAn Be AlL gEtTiNg YoUr MoThErFuCkInG fRiEnD bUdDiEs BaCk If YoU pAy Me 420,000.  
TC: 420,000 Of WhAt? YoU aSk.  
TC: It Be AlL kInDs Of SiMpLeS.  
TC: 420,000 BoTtLeS oF mOtHeR fUcKiNg FaYgO bE hEaDiNg ThIs MoThErFuCkErS wAy FoR tHe FrEeDoM oF yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg FrIeNdS. wHoOoOoOoPs!!! ThEy’Re My MoThErFuCkInG fRiEnDs NoW bItCh, HoW dO yOu LiKe ThEm AlL mOtHeRfUcKiNg A  
CT: D --> A...?  
CT: D --> Makara, are you ok  
CT: D --> Makara?  
CT: D --> You haven’t responded in 2 minutes, I am starting to worry that you have either died or got distracted by something  
TC: ApPlEs.  
CT: D --> Oh thank God, you never died  
TC: “HoW dO yOu LiKe ThEm MoThErFuCkInG aPpLeS.”  
TC: Is WhAt I wAs SaYiNg.  
TC: BuT aS a MoThErFuCkInG iRoNiC oF sOrTs MoThErFuCkInG jEsT.  
TC: BeCaUsE tHaT’s ThE sHiT i AlL gOt My SaY oN aS tO wHaT i WoUlDn’T bE dOiNg.  
TC: WaIt.  
TC: AwW! yOu WeRe GeTtInG yOuR wOrRy On At Me.  
CT: D --> I wasn’t  
TC: YoU wAs!  
TC: :o)  
TC: YoU wErE gEtTiNg YoUr WoRrY oN fOr ThIs MoThErFuCkEr WhEn YoU’rE bEtTeR tO wOrRy AbOuT sOmE oThEr MoThErFuCkEr ThAn UsInG iT oN mE.  
CT: D --> I never said I was worried  
TC: “D --> You haven’t responded in 2 minutes I am starting to worry”.  
CT: D --> You stopped mid-word!  
CT: D --> What else was I supposed to think?!  
TC: I’m JuSt GlAd YoU’rE wOrRyInG aBoUt Me. It’S wHaT fRiEnDs Do FoR eAcH oThEr!  
TC: AlSo, I wAs FiNe!  
TC: I jUsT  
TC:   
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> ?  
TC: I hIt EnTeR iNsTeAd Of MoThErFuCkInG bAcKsPaCe.  
TC: YoU kNoW tHe DeAlIo.  
TC: ThEm MoThEr FuCkErS bE wAy To MoThErFuCkInG cLoSe To EaCh OtHeR, yA dIg?  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> I mean, you aren’t  
CT: D --> Incorrect  
CT: D --> I suppose  
TC: BeTcHu’Ve DoNe ThAt ShIt LoAd Of TiMeS aIn’T yA, hOrSe FrIeNd?  
TC: BeSt MoThErFuCkInG fRiEnD.  
TC: LiTeRaLlY tHe OnLy OtHeR pErSoN i MoThErFuCkInG kNoW.  
CT: D --> You know plenty of people  
TC: YoU hAvE uNdErEsTiMaTeD tHe AmOuNt Of PeOpLe WhO tHiNk I’vE bItTeN tHe MoThEr FuCkInG dUsT.  
TC: Or WiSh I dId.  
TC: HoNeStLy My ShIt LiSt Is GiNoRmOuS.  
TC: It’S lIkE, oNe EnTiRe FoOt LoNg.  
CT: D --> Okay  
CT: D --> 1) That isn’t a%ually that big  
CT: D --> Do I have to teach you basic measurements  
CT: D --> Again  
CT: D --> ... Anyway  
CT: D --> 2) You don’t have a ‘shit list’  
TC: :oD  
CT: D --> Shh  
TC: AlSo, I dO hAvE a ShIt LiSt.  
CT: D --> No, you have a ‘people who tried/are trying/think they actually assassinated me’ list  
TC: WhAt?  
TC: No I dOn’T.  
CT: D --> I’ve seen it  
CT: D --> I know you have one  
TC: I hAvE aN aSsAsSiNaTiOn AtTeMpT lIsT, sO wHaT?   
TC: LoAdS oF pEoPlE hAvE pEoPlE tRyInG tO AsSaSsInAtE tHeM.  
TC: It’S bEtTeR oFf PeOpLe NoT kNoW wHeThEr I’m EvEn AlIvE.  
TC: LeAvE ‘eM iN wOnDeR eTc.  
CT: D --> About that  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> I had to tell my two friends who you were  
CT: D --> So they w001d believe me about the “Faygo Not Being Poisoned” thing  
CT: D --> Also so they w001dn’t get freaked out if they saw you  
TC: Oh.  
TC: FuCk.  
TC: Is  
TC: Am  
TC: Do I gOtTa MoVe?  
TC: Is ThAt WhAt YoU’rE aSkInG mE?  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No!  
CT: D --> God, no  
CT: D --> That w001d jeopardise the plan entirely   
CT: D --> PLAN  
CT: D --> THAT WAS IT  
CT: D --> Makara, I have a proposition for you  
CT: D --> W001d you like to help two lovers elope from their respective kingdoms  
TC: WhAt?  
TC: HoW aM i SuPpOsEd To HeLp?  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> For starters, your entire kingdom thin% you’re dead  
CT: D --> And more importantly, you make potions  
TC: I  
TC: I mEaN oCcAsIoNaLlY i MaKe ThE oDd MoThErFuCkInG pOtIoN oF sOrTs, BuT tHeY aRe MaInLy JuSt FuCkEd Up AlCoHoL oR sOpOr Or JuSt SoMeThInG tO kEeP tHe RaTs OuT.  
TC: ...  
TC: MoSt Of It Is SoPoR.  
TC: I’m NoT eVeN rEmOtElY jOkInG hErE.  
CT: D --> I know you’re not  
CT: D --> I’ve seen the boo%  
TC: Oh.  
TC: WeLl, ThEn YoU kNoW.  
TC: ArE yOu LiKe  
TC: ReAlLy SuRe YoU wAnT mY hElP?  
TC: LiKe ReAlLy??  
CT: D --> 100%  
TC: NoT lIkE, 99%?  
CT: D --> 100%, Makara  
CT: D --> 100%  
CT: D --> I specifically requested your help, Makara  
CT: D --> No one else’s  
CT: D --> We  
CT: D --> That is, Myself  
CT: D --> Terezi  
CT: D --> Who you may not know, but may recognise through her mother  
CT: D --> And finally Eridan  
CT: D --> Which is the person you are attempting to befriend though sending all those bottles of Faygo  
CT: D --> Have requested the e%pertise of, quote unquote, ‘Potions Master Makara’  
CT: D --> To assist them in their plans to help bring together Princess Feferi of Derse and Princess Kanaya of Prospit  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> What do you say  
TC: TwO tHiNgS.  
TC: 1) BrInG tHeM tOgEtHeR iN hOlY mAtRiMoNy?  
TC: BeCaUsE tHaT’s WhErE iT sOuNdEd LiKe It WaS hEaDiNg FrOm YoUr PhRaSiNg.  
CT: D --> Well I don’t know how else to phrase it!  
CT: D --> Besides, if they wish to get married, then so be it, I’ll do it myself  
CT: D --> I got myself ordained for a reason  
TC: WhO eVeN hAs ThAt As A rAtIoNaL tHoUgHt?  
CT: D --> Shut up  
TC: HeY, i SaId ThAt WhEn YoU tOlD mE wHy YoU gOt OrDaInEd ThE fIrSt TiMe ArOuNd.  
CT: D --> Well, it’s a good thing, is it not  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> If they want to  
CT: D --> If they do not then so be it, I suppose  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> Makara, you have forgotten to type your second point  
TC: WhAt?  
TC: Oh, ShIt, YeAh.  
TC: YeAh, Uh. PoInT tWo Is: WhO tHe EvEr LoViNg MoThEr FuCk Is KaNaYa?  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> She, uh  
CT: D --> God, fiddlesti%  
CT: D --> How do I e%plain this  
TC: LoOk, YoU jUsT tOlD mE tHiS kAnAyA’s ThE pRiNcEsS oF pRoSpIt.  
TC: So...  
CT: D --> Yes, uh  
CT: D --> Your Father needed another heir/heiress to run the Kingdom, so to speak, since you absconded  
TC: hm.  
CT: D --> It’s nothing to worry about, trust me  
CT: D --> But long story short, you have a younger adopted sister  
TC:  
TC:  
CT: D --> Makara?  
TC:  
TC: AND YOU ONLY THINK TO TELL ME THE MOTHERFUCK _NOW?_  
CT: D --> Uh  
TC: so.  
TC: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING THIS MOTHERFUCKING _BULLSHIT_ FROM ME?  
TC: huh?  
CT: D --> Okay  
CT: D --> Just  
CT: D --> Calm down  
TC: HOW.  
TC: mother.  
TC: FUCKING.  
TC: _long._  
CT:  
CT: ...  
CT: I haven’t really known the full story for that long either, you know  
TC: BRO.  
TC: you dropped your quirk.  
CT: I know I have  
CT: And besides, the topic never came up in conversation!  
CT: You’d really think I’d purposely keep something like that from you?  
TC: WELL IT ALL BUT SEEMS THAT YOU MOTHER FUCKING *HAVE*, THOUGH?  
TC: you know.  
TC: CONSIDERING THE FACT YOU HAVE.  
CT: If  
CT: If I had brought up Prospit in any conversation at all, you would have shot me down entirely  
CT: E%amples of this include: ‘WhY aRe YoU tAlKiNg AbOuT tHaT sHiThOlE aLl ThE tImE, iT aIn’T eVeN tHaT gReAt Of A pLaCe! NoW sHuT tHe FuCk Up AnD cRaCk OpEn A cOlD mOtHeR fUcKiNg FaYgO, aNd GeT yOuR cHiLl On AlReAdy!’  
TC:  
TC:  
TC: Ok, I dOn’T eVeN cArE tHaT yOu LeGiT cOpY-pAsTeD fRoM aN oLd LoG fOr A mOtHeR fUcKiNg ReCiEpT, i Am ClAsSiNg ThIs As YoU sWeArInG.  
TC: AnD yOu’Ve GoNe AnD dOnE iT fOuR wHoLe TiMeS iN tHiS cHaT lOg AlOnE!  
TC: CoUlD hAvE bEeN fIvE, bUt A bRoThEr Be PlAyInG  
CT: D --> Shoot  
CT: D --> Pardon my vulgarity  
CT: D --> Plus, I had no idea the logs had curses in them  
TC: DoN’t CaRe, WrItInG iT dOwN aS oNe FoR tHe HiStOrY bOoKs:  
TC: EqUiUs ZaHhAk: ThE gUy CaN iN fAcT cUsS.  
TC: ThAt’S oNe FoR tHe WiKiPeDiA pAgE.  
CT: D --> Please shut up  
TC: :oP  
TC: I’m StIlL pIsSeD aT yOu FoR nOt TeLlInG mE i HaVe A nEw BaBy SiStEr.  
CT: D --> She can hardly be described as a baby  
CT: D --> She’s a vampire, for starters  
CT: D --> Secondly, if anyone is the baby here, it’s your brother  
TC: WaIt, I hAvE bRoThEr?  
CT: D --> I’ve told you this  
TC: ArE yOu TaLkInG aBoUt KuRlOz?  
CT: D --> Yes  
TC: BuT hE cAn _HaRdLy_ Be DeScRiBeD aS a BaBy NoW, tHoUgH.  
CT: D --> But he’s still rather young  
CT: D --> He’s only 16 after all  
TC: GoD, rEaLlY?  
TC: HoW oLd’S tHiS kAnAyA?  
CT: D --> Uhh  
CT: D --> Perhaps in her 20s? I’m not entirely sure  
TC: WaIt.  
TC: WaIt, WaIt, WaIt.  
TC: DoEs ShE rEmInD yOu Of ThE cOlOuR gReEn?  
CT: D --> Wh  
CT: D --> What kind  
CT: D --> What sort of question  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> Yes  
TC: Oh, I tHiNk I kNoW hEr. Or, At LeAsT, i KnOw HeR mUm.  
TC: WhAt HaPpEnEd To HeR mUm?  
CT: D --> Madam Rosa died a year after you disappeared  
CT: D --> I told you this  
CT: D --> You went to her funeral  
CT: D --> Inappropriately dressed, may I add  
TC: HoNeStLy, EqUiUs.  
TC: I wAs _*HiGh*._  
TC: WhAt DiD yOu _*ExPeCt*?_  
TC: BeSiDeS, rOcKiNg Up In A tAiLoReD sUiT wOuLd Be ReAlLy WeIrD fOr A hIvElEsS hObO tO dO, yOu KnOw.  
CT: D --> Oh my God, you were not even hiveless  
CT: D --> I’m sure she w001d have laughed at you, then critiqued your horrendous co100r coordination  
CT: D --> You were the target of countless 100% of disdain  
TC: AnD nO oNe EvEn KnEw WhO i WaS.  
TC: PeRfEcT dIsGuIsE.  
TC: YoU’d NeVeR sUsPeCt A tHiNg.  
TC: AnD nO oNe DiD.  
TC: ... AnYwAy.  
TC: So NaNa RoSa’S kId Is... My SiStEr NoW?  
CT: D --> Yes, shortly after she died, your father took her underneath his wing  
CT: D --> I suppose he felt sorry for her  
TC: NaH.  
TC: ShE’s StRoNg EnOuGh To HaNdLe HeR oWn.  
TC: ShE’s RoSa’S kId.  
TC: StRoNg EnOuGh To TaKe HiS pLaCe, ThAt’S wHaT hE tHoUgHt.  
CT: D --> Well, that too  
CT: D --> But you must understand she was rather young when her mother died  
TC: AnD i WaS oNlY yOuNg WhEn I mOtHeRfUcKiNg Up AnD rAn, YoU dOn’T sEe Me CoNvOlUtInG aNd BlAmInG sHiT oN aGe.  
CT: D --> You were 9  
TC: ThAt’S rEaLlY mOtHeRfUcKiNg YoUnG!!  
CT: D --> It is, yes  
CT: D --> If I recall, she may have 6 when her mother passed, and she got adopted into the Royal Family  
CT: D --> Long story short, she is only a few years younger than you  
CT: D --> Kurloz was barely 4 months old at the time  
CT: D --> You know that, right  
TC: DaMn ThInG cOuLd BaReLy EaT sTrAiGhT.  
TC: ... I dOn’T eVeN kNoW tHe GuY hOnEsTlY.  
CT: D --> He’s quiet  
TC: Oh My GoD.  
TC: ThAt MuSt Be JaRrInG.  
CT: D --> Indeed  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> Will you help  
CT: D --> ?  
TC: I mEaN.  
TC: I gOtS nO oThEr MoThEr FuCkInG cHoIcE, dO i?  
CT: D --> Well you do  
CT: D --> But it’s clear what option is the right choice  
TC: HaHaHaHa TrUe.  
TC: YeAh, I’lL tAkE a CrAcK aT a HeLpInG mOtHeR fUcKiNg HaNd.  
CT: D --> Thank you so much  
TC: No PrObLeMo.  
TC: :oP  
TC: NoW a MoThEr FuCkEr Be TiReD sO a MoThEr FuCkErS gOiNg To SlEeP.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Have a good sleep  
TC: ThAnKs.  
TC: dsl;kf  
CT: D --> D  
CT: D --> Did you fall asleep at your keyboard again  
TC: fsklddsfddddddfx  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> You did  
CT: D --> Good night  
TC: axxzzzxzzzzzzz

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]! --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie that's the end of the pre-written chapters but hopefully i can get this wrapped up and finished soon!!!
> 
> (... can you tell i love writing Equius and Gamzee interacting?)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think i was dead?
> 
> You would be right.
> 
> Did you think _this_ was dead? Highly probable, but I'm too attached to it and have a strive to FINISH it. it's about 50% done i'd say. coming to the end soon-ish, as soon as i write it.

Eridan sighed as he awaited the arrival of Feferi. He knew she was busy doing shit, she is the princess after all, but he was getting impatient. Really, he had absolutely no right being impatient; it was 7 in the goddamn morning, literally no one is awake that early, let alone _Feferi fuckin’ Peixes._ But Eridan couldn’t sleep. He had been suffering from insomnia for most all of his life, but this night it was made worse because he was anxious. He didn’t know how this meeting would go down, if this plan would even _work_. He trusted Terezi, that much is true. But he didn’t know if he could trust her pals. He didn’t really trust that her friends would be able to keep Feferi safe and well and, well, _alive._ Her being alive is pretty much crucial to everything ever.

He didn’t get surgery to remove the flowers of his first love just to witness her die at the hands of idiots. She deserved better than that.

He sipped on his tea, and ate his toast. This would be a very, very long wait.

* * *

Terezi paced across the palace gardens, visibly impatient. Kanaya was eating breakfast, she knew this. It was part of Kanaya’s routine that every day at 7 am she would get up, get washed and dressed, which took a literal hour, and eat. It was now 8.30 am. Terezi was getting _antsy._ She couldn’t wait any longer. She even took to snarling at any and all visitors of the gardens which came close into her vicinity. There was only the gardener there, who simply shrugged it off and continued chopping the leaves. He’s a pretty chill guy. He loves him them leaves, that fucker does. Terezi could respect that.

Doesn’t mean she isn’t _stressed the fuck out._

But that didn’t matter; what had mattered is that Kanaya was safe. It was Terezi’s job to keep Kanaya safe, and she took her job very seriously. As her bodyguard, and as her moirail, Terezi refused to let Kanaya down. Kanaya didn’t deserve to die, she’s too nice for that. She deserves better than that. Deserves better than being forbidden to see her one true love because of some stupid war between the two kingdoms.

If only there were a way to bring the kingdoms together. Terezi thought the only way that was possible was through the simple act of staging a double suicide operation pact. No one actually dying of course. Hopefully.

Maybe all this was a bad idea.

“Oh hello, self-doubt, I’ve missed you,” She mumbled under her breath. God she hated that good ol’ Ms. Self Doubt, putting a damper on all her plans that she knew would succeed but seem to fail because she stops putting her mind to it.

Well, it was certainly too late to dwell on her crippling anxiety, as Kanaya came through the castle doors at that moment and into the garden. She was well and truly boned.

“Terezi,” Kanaya shouted as she ran towards Terezi, seemingly gleeful. Someone had a good breakfast, then.

Terezi waved at her, “Hey,” She said, hoping to not sound like a terrified piece of garbage. Kanaya stopped in front her and smiled.

“Are we ready to head off to… wherever we are heading to? You still have yet to tell me where exactly we are going,” She asked.

Terezi chuckled, “Oh, yeah, seems I have.” She turned around to face her properly, before putting her hands into her pockets. “Hope you breakfast is settled, because we’re about to go on a magic carpet ride!”

Oh Good God she could _feel_ how dumb that sounded, it shook up her entire core. Eugh. Kanaya seemed to like it though, because she chuckled. “Well that is certainly an interesting way to phrase that, but I would rather sit down and wait for a little while for my breakfast to settle. I’m sure it won’t be long, anyway,” She said, and smiled at her.

Terezi would kill to protect that smile. In fact, she _has_ killed to protect that smile. She grinned at Kanaya, before taking her by the arm and walking her through the palace gardens and onto a bench to sit. She opened up her phone again, and found the time to be 8:41 am. She texted Eridan and asked what time should she be at his boat for.

His response was simply ‘ill tell you wwhat, meet me at my boat around 9.45 or maybe 10 ish because fef doesnt fuckin knoww wwhat the wword early fuckin means’. She smirked at that. It gave her some time to sit and relax. For Kanaya’s food to settle.

Time to calm down and collect her thoughts about how to disregard the law of the only place she has come to know as home.

This was going to be a long hour, she just knew it.

* * *

CT: D --> I am on my way to your place  
CT: D --> So be prepared  
CT: D --> Okay?  
TC: YoU mOtHeR fUcKiNg GoT iT!  
TC: :oD

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]! --

Gamzee got up off his computer and stretched. He looked around, and oh God, his place was a _motherfucking_ ** _mess_**. Disgraceful, as Equius would say to him. He’d known Equius for a long while, before he even ran away in fact.

So instead of cleaning his home, he reminisced on how he met Equius. He’s always been extremely distractible, after all.

It was many, many years ago. Too many, in fact. Okay, it wasn’t _that_ long, but Gamzee was a very young boy when he met Equius. At least like, five? Yeah. Five.

_ He was five when he met Equius, or at least when he remembered he met him, anyway. He was the same age as Gamzee, and he loved to play. Gamzee also loved to play, and the two used to play with toy cars in his bedroom. It was always nice when he came around to play. One time, when he was seven, he fell out a window and Equius caught him while as a flying horse. That was _so cool. _They then sat on the window ledge and spoke for a little while. He gave Equius a little plant pot containing Gloxinia flowers he dug up from the palace gardens. Equius had told him he liked it which made Gamzee feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He hadn’t known much about flowers, not really, but he knew that flowers had meanings because Flower Studies was in his schoolfeeding schedule. He… he never paid any attention to his schoolfeeding, he just liked how Nana Rosa spoke. She was pretty. Ethereal, like an angel. He spent the rest of that day chatting amicably with him, because the way he spoke was a motherfucking miracle to his seven year old pan. _

_ But then his best friend went away two years later. There was a lot of yelling, then Equius’s dad stormed out, picked up Equius, and left. He watched his best friend leave from his life. He ended up getting the hiccups. _

_ Then he decided to leave himself. Packed some stuff into a backpack and get the mother fuck out of dodge. Jumped off the ledge of his window and grabbed onto the vines attached to the castle walls. Something flew past him, and he wobbled on the vines before falling off. He was caught, of course, his best friend had caught him mid-air and flew him down to safety. _

_ He’d always remember what Equius had said to him. “What are you doing, you could have died!” _

_ His response? “I’d knew you’d catch me.” He then explained what he was going to do. Equius was against it, but Gamzee was insistent. He knew he could do it. _

_ “Your shirt’s ripped.” Equius pointed out, now in his bipedal form. Gamzee looked down. _

_ “Oh. So it is.” He shrugged. “Oh well.” _

A knock on the door made Gamzee jump back into the present world. Fuck he still hasn’t cleaned up. Oh shit. He hiccupped again. He quickly grabbed a surgical mask, putting it around his face. He’d gotten used to the routine of it, now. No motherfucker needs to see his mouth, after all.

It was mainly to stop hiccuping and coughing in people’s faces, but then he got all unconscious about his talk hole.

Or was it self-conscious?

Gamzee was never good at doing words right.

Another knock on the door made him jump. Oh he forgot that was a thing that was happening-Right, the door. Gamzee ran towards the door, opening it. It was Equius, of course, exactly who he was expecting.

“Sup motherfucker?” Gamzee greeted his visitor. His visitor peeked behind him and emitted a heavy sigh.

“You are not even _remotely_ prepared, are you?” Equius asked. Gamzee shook his head.

“Nope.” He grinned, but realised it was pretty pointless to grin with a surgical mask on, so he soon stopped. He found he didn’t hiccup as much when Equius was near him, and a lot more when he was away. But he never knew when he was going to fall into a coughing/hiccuping fit so ones always gotta be motherfucking getting the prepared on.

And he didn’t hear a single word Equius just said. Shit. “Uh, Eq? Bro can you get ya motherfucking repeat on what y’all just be all getting your talk on at?” He asked.

Equius glared at him. “May I come in and help you clean up?” He asked, finally. Gamzee looked around his home. Uhh.

“I could be all and using the motherfucking help, bro,” Gamzee said after a beat, sounding rather bashful. “I’m pretty much a state,” He clarified.

Equius sighed, and walked into the messy home. He pushed his sleeves up. “Well, let us get started, then, shall we?”

Gamzee was too busy staring at his arms to notice what he said, so he simply nodded instead. All that came across his head as he watched and helped Equius clean his own house for visitors was one sentence, repeated over and over.

_ God, I am so motherfucking gay. _

* * *

One flight later, and Terezi had met up with Eridan, Kanaya in tow – she rode on Terezi’s back because she _can._ Terezi was frankly shook that Eridan and Kanaya knew each other, but remembered the story that he told her about – the one with the Hanahaki – and smirked a small smirk. So _that’s_ the GA he was on about. Typical. Small world, _et cetera._ They had just finished their cup of tea and a few of the biscuits that Eridan placed out when Feferi announced her arrival.

Eridan sighed before getting up out of the chair to let Feferi in. Terezi supposed this was it, when they would have to announce their plan. She quickly got her phone out to text a quick message to Equius.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]! -- 

GC: H3Y  
GC: B3 PR3P4R3D  
GC: W3 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 COM1NG YOUR W4Y SOON!  
CT: D --> Message Received and Noted  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> Can you maybe give me an hour?  
GC: NO T1M3 4V41L4BL3 TO DO SO  
CT: D --> Please  
CT: D --> His hive is a mess  
CT: D --> I don’t think I can make it presentable in time for your arrival  
GC: WHO C4R3S 4BOUT TH4T???  
CT: D --> Me???  
CT: D --> Good lord, I can’t do this  
CT: D --> Ok, the ground f100r is not as atrocious as every other place, will that be ok?  
GC: WHY WOULD W3 GO UPST4IRS  
CT: D --> E%actly  
CT: D --> Thank you for your notification, I will advise Makara of your arrival  
GC: _GOD_  
GC: YOU SOUND SO FUCK1NG OFF1C14L R1GHT NOW  
CT: D --> It’s a force of habit  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: S33 YOU TH3N!

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]! --

Hmm. At least that’s sorted.

“Alright bitches it’s time to get a-crackalackin’.” She announced.

“… Ter. What the fuck?” Eridan asked in a deadpan voice. Kanaya placed her face in her hands and Feferi… just smelt confused.

“Let’s get this shitshow started?”

They all continued to stare. She groaned loudly, “UGH. Just get on my back already,” She said, before walking outside. She transformed, and allowed the others jump on her, before taking flight to the other side of the lake.

About time she met the errant Heir, anyway.

* * *

Gamzee sighed. There’s too much to clean up, and too much to do, and honestly he spent most of the time he should have been cleaning looking at Equius. More specifically his ass. It’s a nice fucking ass. The familiar itching feeling crawled up his throat. _Oh fuck, not right now!_ He thought.

“Hey Equibro, I be all heading to the bathroom now, a motherfucker needs to pee,” He said, excusing himself. Equius nodded, and Gamzee ran up to the bathroom. He entered and locked the door, resting behind it for a moment. He darted towards the cupboard above his sink.

He opened the cupboard and rummaged through it, looking for one particular- ah, here it is. He picked up the small bottle, and smiled a little, nostalgic.

He made this concoction himself. Well, he makes all his concoctions, but this particular one was his own recipe. The only one that seemed to work. He took out some other bits and bobs and sat down on the floor. He took the mask off. That’s when the coughing fit he had been holding in began. The familiar itching - it’s not normally this bad, not when he’s around - is a normal feeling now. Trying to find reasons why he hasn’t answered for a long time is getting trickier, because it’s taking longer to work its magic. If he says he choked on something, they would worry. If he says he coughed, they would ask if he was ill. 

If he told them the truth, they’ll want to take it away. He’d rather die than let that happen, and most likely, he will. 

Gamzee is a hopeless romantic, but a romantic nonetheless.

He’s a hopeless romantic that’s in love with Equius Zahhak. He has been since he was 7. And he was solid in that believe since he was 9.

Hiccups, from what Gamzee’s dad told him about his lineage, is a sign of realising you have quadrant-related feelings for someone, and they only ease when you tell them that you do.

Gamzee’s case, he knows, is slightly different.

Because he’s coughing up petals as well as hiccuping.

Well, at least he knows how to ease one of those things… a little bit.

He opened the bottle and poured a little of the concoction into the bowl. Well, it was a pestle and mortar, but Gamzee didn’t know which part was which, so just called them a bowl and stick. He threw some of the flowers into the same bowl and mixed/ground them with the solution with the stick. He added a dash of water, three drops of sopor, and salt… to taste. The salt adds literally nothing, but it feels like it does _something_ to soothe the taste. He added a spoonful more of the solution, before grinding it down further. 

He waited 5 minutes (he has a timer, he can tell), before beginning to drink the… sludge. He’s just going to call it sludge. It’s disgusting, but that’s how he’s been living all of this time. (It’s the only reason he hasn’t died yet.) It feels sticky, as always, but after a while, it eases off. The stickiness, the pain.

The obvious answer was just to tell him. That would solve both of his problems at the same (ish?) time. But he couldn’t. 

Whether it was because he didn’t know how to phrase it, or didn’t want to scare him away, or something else bothering him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say those words around him.

He knew _what_ he wanted to say. He just couldn’t phrase it to him, couldn’t say it to his face.

He knows why.

He doesn’t want to think about it.

(He’s afraid of rejection. The flowers he coughs up don’t tell that tale, but there’s always a fear he’s reading them wrong. First Love, the flower Gamzee had gave him as a seven year old. It’s been haunting him since Eq went way. Since Gamzee had _ran_ away. It was taunting him.)

(Ironic. That’s what it is. Pure Irony. A sick kind of motherfucking joke played by the cruelest of GiggleGods, or worse… The God of Irony himself.)

He sighed. Either way he goes about it, all that matters is that he’s stuck like this most likely until he dies from it. He doesn’t want to give up. (He’s terrified of death.)

“They’re here now!” Gamzee heard Equius shout. He sighed. He knew that there’s no use in hiding up here forever. Especially not while he has esteemed _‘guests’._

Gamzee put his surgical mask back around his mouth, and exited the bathroom. He came down the stairs and greeted his guests with an unseen grin, and spoke words so fluid no one will ever tell something is wrong.

Better that than everyone pitying on a motherfucker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the gang have finally met the Heir of Prospit
> 
> What will happen next???

**Author's Note:**

> I do hope you enjoy it!!!


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